Day Twenty Seven: Like A Boss

Segue: On the off chance this isn't already the worst blog ever, I have concerns my ability to write anything meaningful is compromised by the workshop I'm currently in. I'm not really doing anything else, it's twelve hours out of my day and during that time I'm being run around and mentally exhausted every which way. Typing something meaningful when I get home is challenging at the moment.

Rah! I am a Brontosaurus! Raahh.... 

Aikido/Fitness: Wow, we did some Body Being stuff tonight that was Amazing. It's like ultimate mental training, training your mind in true perception and understanding Truth in an objective world, and being Honest. Honesty at it's core - dealing with things that are what they are, not misconceptions, lies, deceptions etc. This is all in a martial context and the way it's communicated through your body and your senses. I'm loving it.

Pretty

Derby: So, after twelve hours in the dojo, what else could I possibly want to do, other than go skating? You know, and roar into it like a bull in a china shop until I can't skate no more? Everything hurts like it's made out of gammy plasticine that's cracking around the edges but I feel like a Champion. For no particular reason. Oh wait, it's because everything is falling into place like it was meant to be.

Diet: Weetbix and banana for breakfast. A muesli bar? Biscuits? Mammoth sandwich, sushi, dark chocolate, and half a packet of panadol. Nothing will stop me. I would have consumed all the panadol if I'd had to. Oh, and some chocolate milk.

Sleep: Slept terribly. Didn't get enough sleep. Almost passed out during our Body Being session that involved a lot of visualisations. But now, I'm amped and exhausted at the same time, it's 11.50pm and I desperately need a shower before I go to sleep. Plus I need to haul my arse out of bed earlier because rush hour traffic is not my friend trying to get to Sandringham in the morning.



I've been needing to take panadol all day to stay on top of things and not just crash out. All I wanted at 10am was to just crawl into a corner and pass on the rest of the day, instead I ate all the painkillers and just muscled through it because there is no motivation. I don't need to be inclined to do something. I just need to do it. Today has been a fantastic example of mindless determination. I just did all the things. All of them. Like a Boss.

Day Twenty Six: The Ultimate Training Tool

Peter has a million fascinating stories like scaring off the Chinese Tong family from the Wong dojo in San Francisco's Chinatown (during the "Tong Wars" to give that context) to using Effortless Power to throw a 400lb man across a room, but one I really liked was how him and another equally crazy friend used to throw themselves off cliffs to practice 'being in the moment' and 'responding to now'. You can't look before jumping off though, otherwise you can plan what you'll do and that's cheating.

I know it mostly sounds like garbage but when you've met the man, you know he has done these things. His martial ability is just astounding, coupled with an incredibly quick and perceptive mind.




Fitness/Aikido: We played Pressure No Pressure again and a lot of Game B. Game B is like Game A, except there are no roles, and both of you attempt to move the other person against their choice whilst continuing to yield and remain in contact. I have spent almost the entire day in a squat stance and my knees are feeling a little bit tetchy. They're resting in a hot towel at the moment. They like that. Ah yes, 8.30am until 9pm in the dojo.

Derby: No skating today.

Diet: Weetbix, banana, maccas for lunch because I couldn't bear the thought of going to the mall, Nandos for dinner... why didn't anyone tell me Nando's is sh!t? Holy crap, worst food ever, and I don't even care about food. Then when I got home I had a second dinner of lamb, avocado, capsicum, tomato, spring onion. Blueberries for dessert again. Aside from the maccas and the Nandos everything else was fine. I can tell my body has already burnt through everything already anyway. Game B is... exhausting and demanding. I overheated for about three minutes - I became confused as normally when I overheat on skates I just keep skating, and the breeze cools me down. Standing in the dojo I didn't know what I could do to cool down faster. My point is even the poor quality food was burnt to nothing today. If anything, I should have eaten more, regardless of it's content.

Sleep: Stayed up a bit last night, I knew I'd pay for it because this workshop is demanding but part of me was also a bit traumatised by a long weekend and no capacity for a sleep in. No sleep in now, nothing last week, and probably not until the 18th. So, I'm feeling sorry for myself. I don't sleep in any more, don't get me wrong, but not having the opportunity to makes it seem worse because I don't have a choice in the matter.

And I'm all, "......."

I spoke with Antonio about mind blanking today at lunch. He used to do boxing for a couple of years and is a very quick study. He agreed about mind blanking, and how in the first number of his fights he could never think anything, just nothing. Until you have experience, the techniques are still techniques, and even after you have experience, they are still just techniques and likely to never be used in a real situation. A fight is a completely different scenario, completely removed. I know things like this don't actively help me, but they help relax my mind. I found this hurdle with hockey stops - I couldn't get my mind around going on my left side, but when I knew everyone had struggled the same struggle, I felt the weight lift and then I could practice them and actually turn my body correctly.

Day Twenty Five: Mind Over Matter

Peter says, "Goodbye," with a friendly shove into space

It's blowing my mind the stuff we're learning at this Effortless Power workshop. It's being shown the ultimate power in the body, how it is intrinsic, and requires no strength or tension to apply. Don't get me wrong, it's hard to master throwing people while being completely relaxed and using no force at all, but watching it done and the entire concept is amazing. The tools designed to train your body and retrain your mind are also a lot of fun.

Fitness/Aikido: Skipped the Morning Training and had moments of bounciness during the day, especially during Pressure No Pressure at the end where Dave seemed to be taking it easy and having a laugh at my expense. So I upped the anti and destroyed him. He was panting more than anyone by the end. Heh. We also got to play Game A today, which I love. Game A requires both participants to remain in contact with each other while one person tries to make the other move in a way they don't choose to, then the roles are reversed once they are successful. Probably hard to envision, but it's like a rampant game of trying to throw each other with your hands tied together. You learn fluidity of movement very quickly. 11am till 8.30pm in the dojo is still a long day...

Derby: I need an extreme crash course on strategy, but being as green as they can get I also need to start garnering experience as quickly as possible. My mind blanks out on the track, which is possibly the most useless thing ever. I have a sneaking suspicion I know why this happens though, it's because of the blank spots in my strategy and experience. There's nothing there to call on because I haven't filled it up yet.


As an aside Peter was talking about fighting and I swear this guy sounds like he exists in a perpetual "Bullet Time" mode without realising the rest of us don't. His adaptability to the now is almost unquestionable and his response time quicker than anything I've seen. I can only hope to achieve that level of now awareness. The moments where everything seems to slow down, that's when your brain is 100% engaged in the moment and not the past, future or concepts (where it spends most of it's time hanging out and blurring the seconds together for you). To be able to engage more fully in the moment especially while playing, fighting, jamming, whatever... it would make you a force to be reckoned with.


Diet: Got up early enough for breakfast, weetbix, tried to have a cup of tea but we only had green milk and it was just disappointing. Fish burger combo for lunch (L&P for drink), banana snack, chocolate milk, Burger Fuel for dinner (Bio Fuel) and a handful of blueberries when I got home. We do get 90 minute meal breaks but it's not enough time to venture home and back, plus my mind is so squishy that thinking of food is damn near impossible. I stood outside with my keys for five minutes unable to think of a single place to acquire food from until Lucy said she was headed to Burger Fuel and I should come. Yes, thank you, they probably sell food.

It was three times as cute as this

Sleep: Woke up at just after 6.45am when my body had decided that was enough sleep for the night, which was a bit sad because I was having a lovely dream about how there was a secret zoo up the top of the harbour bridge with baby giraffes. They were about the size of cats and all really liked me and fell asleep on me. So cute. Tess got pictures, but only dream pictures, which I don't think we have the technology to develop yet. But yes, I seem to be getting enough sleep but I think it's just the extreme mental intake that is causing me to feel so sleepy at the moment. I'm not tired, my brain is just processing a lot, which feels almost exactly like being tired.

Day Twenty Four: Strength is a Weakness

Strong, but not very bright

It's funny, because I've been hearing a version of this a lot lately.

The thing about strength is that once you start using it to achieve a task, you become locked into that system, and the use of strength is surprisingly limited. One day, you're going to come across someone stronger than you, and then what are you going to do?




Fitness // Aikido : I just can't judge how much exercise I've done today. The Morning Training was standard, we played Pressure No Pressure three times, but mainly? Aside from being on my feet (or getting back up onto my feet after being thrown) for ten hours I'm mentally shattered. It's not just the movements, it's 5% the physical side but so far, 95% the mental connections and understanding. So my brain feels a bit gooey.

Derby: No skating today.

Diet: I ate an unreasonable amount of Chinese food today. And a biscuit. Plus a handful of blueberries for dessert because yoghurt sounded too mentally taxing when I got home (a spoon? oh hell no.)

Sleep: I have been barely able to stay awake all day. Which has been really weird because I got a reasonable amount of sleep (just over six hours). Even being in training all day and being really interested in what Peter Ralston has to say - neither woke me up properly. So it's 10pm now and I am going to post this and hit the hay. I only need to get up at 8am tomorrow.... and I only hate it a little bit that 8 o'clock sounds a little 'late' these days.


La, I wish I'd been able to write down and take more notes on some of the concepts Peter spoke about today. It's very inspirational and conceptually appealing the way he talks about the mental state of mind, the ability to action, the connections and perceptions of people... it's quite martial, yes, but it extrapolates into every day life with ease.

Day Twenty Three: Less Angry, More Bouncy

The wonderful thing about Tiggers
is that Tiggers are wonderful things

Nothing like a good nights sleep, some Ponies, and some deadly Komodo Dragons to help reset my mental stability. Plus there were Superwines in the breakroom this morning. Superwines. So much better than Timtams.

Yesterday fell apart a bit goal wise, and a couple of small things happened that ticked me right off. Seriously. Don't poke an angry bear with a stick, they'll maul your face. Anyway, it was my brother's birthday so we had a varied selection of Japanese foods and then watched a nature documentary. HD, Attenborough, seething masses of snakes, reptiles and dragons... good times.



Fitness: Bouncing up four flights of stairs with my skate bag probably doesn't count overly much, but I've been reading Kami's blog and feeling driven about running my own offskates. I just don't have any time at all at the moment for sorting this out, also, I'm unsure of my capabilities of running one. More on that later. I'd prefer to run an offskates training program because it would be easier if I felt people were depending on me to turn up. Plus, that would feed my desire to see everyone else improve.

Aikido: No training today. Mentally prepared for tomorrow. It's not really Aikido, but Effortless Power and Intrinsic Strength sound like useful tools.

Derby: Public skate at Mount Wellington Skateland. I really enjoy the rink at Skateland, and it feels like it's been a million years since I last went skating (Monday). But my legs have rebuilt, (somehow they don't feel 100% rested but they are up to full strength again) and my vertical jump has increased by two inches since I let them rest up. I know this because I banana jump to strike the exit sign in the corridor at work. I've never reached the door frame before, always been well short. So I felt compelled to do a bit of jumping around the rink. Backwards, forwards, lateral, lateral backwards, two feet, one foot hops, leaps, 180s, 180 single foot switch... when I look back, I wanted to do a few more jumps, but it was ridiculously crowded tonight. Oh yes, and hockey stops. Just could not find the drive in my left foot tonight, but the percentage of 'successfuls' on my right is slowly increasing. I feel like I have to learn so much about pack work and strategy that I want to be able to not have to think about moving my feet or my body, and rather just know that if I need to be over there, or stop abruptly, that my feet know how to move and let me focus on everything else.

Diet: Did I mention there were Superwines? I only had two, some tea and my standard weetbix with banana for breakfast. Trying to up my water consumption at the moment, to two canisters of water a day at my desk. Mammoth sandwich for lunch, some more biscuits snuck in there, eggs and bacon for afternoon tea before skating, and then steak and a selection of vegetables. I have no idea how I'm going to find sustenance for the next 8 days. Precooked chickens, bananas and chocolate milk I think.

Sleep: I stayed up a little late (around 12) watching Ponies, but it really helped balance me out mentally and the quality of sleep I had as a result was much improved. I was still grumpy on-and-off today and I actually almost passed out after coming back from lunch, just a sudden wash of exhaustion. I then took an extra hour to go nap in the turret... I took a note pad with me when I left so it looked like I was going to a meeting. Success.  Coming up on 12am now, I need to have a shower before sleeping and I need to be in Sandringham before 8.30am tomorrow.



It was great seeing Firecracker, Chinky Minx and Starsong tonight (they've all picked such adorable names) and ! I have a fan. An eight-year old girl who has just signed up for inline hockey at Skateland was well impressed how I left the other three battling for second place during a "quad" speed race (note to self, start with a bigger handicap next time than a few feet back on the outside)  She may well forget me by the next open session we bump into each other but I'm a sucker for positive feedback. Who would have thought the praise of a small child would make me feel better about myself?

Day Twenty Two: I Just... I Dunno

Today has been a lot of... I dunnos. I couldn't do a lot of things that I wanted to, because I had to do things I 'should' do, and as much as I've wanted to retreat into being an obnoxious, self serving pillock I get the feeling that won't help me much in the long run. It's just the timing.

Doesn't stop me feeling like I just got punched in the chest with a pole driver (and that hurts)

Fitness: Ab-so-lute-ly nothing again. And you know what? I don't even care right now.

Aikido: Beginners session. Was really good, Sensei Alicia pointed out so things for me particularly that she wants me to focus on. Still bothers me that when I watch the black belts, I can see the 'strings' - I can see how the mechanics of the technique effect the change they want. Making the connection is a lot harder when it's me, but at least I know what I'm looking for.

Derby: No skating today. And it cracked my teeth, I can assure you.

Diet: Weetbix and banana for breakfast. Lots of tea and biscuits for snacks (it may have only ever been me eating the chocolate biscuits out of the break room) and a rice bowl for lunch. I forgot to pre-load for Aikido (not that it mattered) and then Japanese for dinner. Then I had some more tea and biscuits.

Sleep: I'm tired. I don't think it's from the sleep or lack thereof, I think it's about middling so I really should be fine, I think it's still just the stress.

And that's it. I'm actually in an excessively bad mood (in case that wasn't obvious from the punchy, no nonsense post) and really, aside from wanting to hit several people I think it's probably best if I just go to sleep now.

Day Twenty One: I Feel Like a Small Thing in a Big Space

What do you mean, I have to be a big dog now?

When we make brave, bold decisions we have an expectation of being rewarded with a chest full of pride, maturity and conviction.

I used to be a big fish in a little pond. Deciding I wanted more room to grow I've jumped into a much bigger pond, but now all the other fish are bigger than me, and it's just simply intimidating.






Fitness: Another rest day today. Part of me feels like a complete slacker, and the rest of me can feel my power rebuilding... which I may need as from tomorrow until Day Thirty Four (?) I'll be getting exercise every day, most of days from 8.30am till 9pm... so. I think I can let this slide for now.

Aikido: No training today

Derby: Sat through a particularly boring meeting, thinking about skating along the viaduct. Why do I leave me skates at home? What do I think I'm achieving? I think going skating today would have helped with my mental stability, which is currently questionable.

Diet: This morning was horrible. I woke up, still feeling like the world had collapsed in on me so after a handful of tea and biscuits I had some weetbix around 11.30am which meant I skived off lunch at 12... just to eat more tea and biscuits throughout the afternoon. Jian brought me a plate of fruit (seriously, we can hire more of her, she brings me snacks and asks if she can practice pressure point massage on my back. Yes.) I had a quarter of a chicken when I got home as I was pretty hungry by then, and some sort of pork / vegetable mix that was prepared for me. I was going to make a proper stir-fry but it serves me right for leaving the food unattended. Yoghurt and blueberries for dessert... possibly my favourite dessert ever and so easy.

Sleep: Took far too long to go to sleep last night and really had to fight to get up out of bed, and even then spent three hours at my desk yawning and slouching in my chair. Thank jebus financial work doesn't require me to be awake (yes, pay, yes, pay, yes...) So not really sure how much time asleep I got, but considering how stressed and anxious I was when I was trying to shut down for the night I'm not terribly surprised.


My personal stress is just crashing into my sleep and diet goals like a .. something into a something which has also seemingly crippled my quick wit. I can't wait for everything to settle down and just be done.