Day Thirty Four: Mindsets and Outlooks

Today, I feel like I can do anything. I feel like if I set my mind to a thing, and drill it, I will have it. I also have an understanding that I'm not a special snowflake in this way - it works for anyone. If you want a thing, you can work towards it and have it (as long as you're being realistic, I'd love to be able to defy gravity but not a lot of point dedicating my time and energy to that).

Not going to end well, regardless of how hard I concentrate

That being said you'd think I would be in a pretty upbeat mood, but no. I'm just frustrated with my inability to drag everyone along with me at the moment. I've read a lot of articles and spoken to a lot of people about similar fundamental issues lately. The only problem is, and the core issue of what I find frustrating, is that people point to their goals off in the distance. But even as they point at their goals, they focus on what's right in front of them (often, their failures or disappointments they haven't already achieved their goals). So often we maintain our status quo because we don't keep our eyes on the prize. Look at what you want, don't look away until it's in your hands, and drive.

Truth be told most people seem to be coping alright with this issue, but the reason it's pissing me off in people around me at the moment is because it's something I struggle with too. It's always our own faults that we find the most reprehensible when we see them in others.

Not their fault - just a bit of mental backwash and relearning my social skills after attempting to fight with people for over nine days straight.

Right. Rant over.



Fitness: Didn't have time to branch out and do anything constructive today. 7am till 12am day - that's whoa to go covered right there.

Aikido: Tuesdays have really taken off for me. I can attend both trainings, both the Beginner and the regular class. Trying to focus on remaining relaxed and incorporating my newly enlightened skill set into training. Actually had an awesome time, having fallen out of some of the Japanese dogma. Managed some quite successful throws without using my arms and I can "see" so much more. The connections, my intent, it's all good. Sensei Alan said the Cheng Hsin workshop would be very useful, and it has been. Big smiles all round, feeling really good about Aikido at the moment.

Derby: As mentioned my brain is a little shot but I think this is the best time to learn strategy, as long as you don't forget it instantly. If you can do it dog tired, you can do it when you're spritely (but no guarantee you can bust it out in the other direction...) my legs refused to play Stop/Start/Dance Sideways - my right foot tendons are still very, very angry with me. But really, everything came together nicely. Not amazing, not fantastic, but it's time to get stuck in and learn the guts of what I'm trying to achieve in this mad sport. Not every training came be glitter and sparkles, plus coming off the back of two and a half hours in the dojo doesn't do me many favours.

Diet: Weetbix and banana for breakfast, tea, some more tea, a fun size moro bar, rice bowl (happy Valentines to you too, Sushi Girl!) 6" subway and two chocolate milks. Ah. I sort of missed dinner. I'd been so good about this (finishing training late and still eating) and tonight I dropped the ball. I was kinda over excited by the social interactions I had at training so I just forgot.

Sleep: Talk about forgetting things. Like it's 1.30am and I still need to shower and get some kip. It's not okay but I have fewer obligations tomorrow so I can either change my work hours or nap without issue. So it's manageable. Still - that'll mean five hours sleep tonight.


I think I'm back lashing after the workshop. A huge part of me just wants to throw down some good ol' 'Do whatever I damn-well want' for a few days - not so good because I do have work and trainings to attend...

Day Thirty Three: This Is the Life

I now have the skills to clean
the hover diamonds off the roof

What a wonderfully perfect day off. I loved the workshop (finished yesterday), there were so many fundamental concepts and principles I learnt that I can work on aside from the techniques. That said, I'm looking forward to my time opening up for everything else again. I am hopeful that I will bring a new awareness and level of competency to my Aikido and Derby training... I'll let you know how that goes.






Fitness: I wandered around the zoo today. Almost two complete circuits. It was pretty hot as well so I think that counts for double.

Aikido: I have this one day before heading back to the dojo... spent most of it talking about martial arts though.

Derby: No skating today.

Diet: I had part of a biscuit before heading over to Tessa's for a cup of tea, where she also made me an amazing smoothie that I wish I'd paid more attention to the making thereof, as I gathered it had fruit, linseeds, a variety of different milk type products, and some sort of powder. Anyway, it would have been ridiculously healthy and was a bit of an eye-opener as I've always gone for berry based smoothies previously, despite the fact that all the excess pips tend to build up unpleasantly. I will need to get that recipe... (subtle hint). We then ventured off to the zoo after this but I was starting to crave a solid eating snack so we shared a salami panini - I knew it was more about wanting something to sink my teeth into than being particularly hungry again so soon after breakfast. But you know, just off nine days solid training. I have some energy stores to rebuild (that's how it works, right?) We stopped for an icecream for lunch as we were predominantly wandering around in the sun - I wanted something energy packed and cold by that point. I snuck into the supermarket for a pizza bread square on the way home, then for dinner it was chicken and salad, followed by fruit salad, apple and blackberry pie and cream for dessert. Nothing particularly challenging. It's only just occurred to me now that we were at the zoo all day and didn't really have a proper lunch, which would explain why I was so hungry at 5 o'clock. Oops - was having too much fun...

Sleep: Went to sleep around 1am last night and woke up around 8.30am, so plenty of sleep. More bizarre, horrible dreams (they're normally pretty awesome but they've just been traumatising lately) but they don't seem to be impacting too badly on how rested I feel the next day. It's snuck into the 'almost overtime' portion of the night (12am) so I need to stop playing Dune 2 and get some kip. I can't believe I have to go back to work tomorrow - it seems like I should have some more time off already!



I really enjoy the zoo, but I really need to make an effort to go more often - I love animals and Auckland Zoo has done some nice habitat work so you don't have to feel too guilty about them being caged up for our amusement. 

Probably because it's made with extra love

Even more than the zoo though, spending time with quality friends. We all need to reset on the odd occasion and good friends are easily worth their weight in gold, or some other more precious commodity. Thanks heaps for the company today Tessa, you're one of the good ones. Plus, you still always make the best tea.

Day Thirty Two: Not Enough Down and Bounce

Okay! I get it! Karma has dealt me a mighty blow and I understand the significance of the fact that argh, my lower back is shot. Why? Because I need to get lower in my legs. And damn well bounce. I never claimed to be a good boxer (in fact, may have insinuated I'm pretty bad at it) and just about everything hurts at the moment. Don't get me wrong - my nose smarts a little but aside from that all the other pains are from bad form or using muscles that I don't normally use (I didn't know I had any of those left...)

I love that I found this image

I was thinking of taking up boxing casually. It's about timing, full contact awareness, responding over reaction, look at the action, completion and get lower. Strange that there would be so much cross over with Derby and boxing skills.

Aikido/Fitness: So much time spent on exercises and free play today - just slaughtering. Part of me is sad the workshop is over, another quite beleaguered part that is almost in tears over the prospect of not having to get up tomorrow morning. We worked a bit more on interpretation, dynamics and things like leading, cutting and body being. Peter really drove us into the ground today though, and good on him. Sweat flew in all directions whenever you connected a hit with anyone. It was gross. 

Derby: No skating today. This was a good choice! I don't normally support missing skate practice but damn... I would have ended up face first, drowning in green Thai curry earlier this evening in a fit of extreme exhaustion if I had. 

Diet: Passed on breakfast because I was late, forgot my mouth guard on the way to the dojo so had to backtrack. Fail. Tea and biscuits, a peach, mammoth sandwich (sans avocado as I was out) and so much delicious Thai food for dinner. It had a soporific effect and I was quite lucky not to drown in any of the remains (hence if I had been skating, this probably would have happened)

Similar, but with more drowning.

Sleep: Had some really interesting dreams - lots of weird, freaky stuff but my brain inserted some 'heroes' to help save me. I crossed paths with my three new coaches on the way through a barbed-wire forest of doom being chased by some of the most frightening nightmarish concoctions my brain has come up with for a long while. The coaches helped save me in turn, although I think Anna and I were about to be torn to bits at the last stage just before I woke up. This is actually really strange and says a lot about my stress levels (and possible expectations) because I have always been the lone saviour / hero in all my dream sequences previously. Anyway, I barely got six hours but it's still within the realms of acceptability. Should be able to get seven tonight, easily. I can't believe I can sleep in finally! (I expect to get up around 9am, if that's any indication of what I now consider 'late' to be getting up)

Day Thirty One: Why the Face?

It's like my face is a magnet for fists.
That doesn't sound right on multiple levels.

I have several super powers, some specialised to various activities I participate in, and others more generalised. Why, I have to ask, does one of the generalised ones have to be, "Getting punched in the face"?






That aside I had a huge amount of fun spending the day boxing. I had forgotten how much energy throwing a few hundred punches an hour takes out of you...

Aikido/Fitness: Amazing how much can be taught to the fightingly inept in just the space of a day. Learnt a lot about boxing, and improved remarkably throughout the day (amazing that having an awesome teacher can really accelerate your learning curve). Enjoyable but damn, throwing and taking punches all day really beats it outta ya....

Skating: No skating today. Still overly excited about Effortless Skating. Starting to wonder about it's practicality though, (maybe only for the jammer after passing through the pack..?) but any energy conservation is a good idea. If I can figure out how to use Effortless Braking (directing weight through points on the feet, like the sides...) this might all come together. Having mental issues trying to discern how to use the intrinsic power to stop once you're going at speed.

Diet: So, yes, I'm still quite stressed (just go away already, everything's back to normal!) so breakfast was a bit of a failed attempt, I had a bumper bar. Biscuit, tea, mammoth sandwich for lunch, Emcee Donalds for dinner - now. I almost intended on just having more biscuits and tea for 'dinner' at the dojo and eating something better at home. Instead there is this rather irritating guy on the workshop and... I can't even begin to describe the social response he encourages. There's something about his bowls of tofu and mushrooms and demeanor that made me punch him repeatedly and then go get some big macs. I'll bet he doesn't take B12 supplements, (I can only hope) that would explain a lot and also make me feel better about things. I don't have anything against vegetarians or vegans (not that I understand their reasoning either, we have tiny dentition, a reduced gut and expensive brain - why disregard eight million years of fine tuning?) but his mannerism in regards to his lifestyle just... argh. Made me want to hunt down an animal of some description and butcher it for snacks.

Sleep: Ended up getting about five hours or so last night and still not feeling any worse for it, so it would appear that my body is happy for me to sleep a few shortened nights in there when it's important (and it was, thanks Chinky Minx and Starsong). It's just hitting midnight now, my bad, and we have an earlier start tomorrow at 8am. I should probably be out of here at 7.30 so I can get seven hours sleep without issue if I pass out now. Sadly, not quite how it works, but I've been pretty relaxed since 9.30pm so I assume that counts for something.

Day Thirty: Effortless Skating

Let's make this short. It's 3am and tomorrow is going to be interesting.

Aikido/Fitness: Lots of awesome things today. Ankles / foot tendons starting to give out - they did not expect to be running backwards in tight, alternating circles for days on end. These things happen. We were taught Effortless Running today... (Why today? I've been running all damn week...)

Derby: I was working on my hockey stops until I just couldn't get the traction I needed anymore. So, as I idly skate along, gutted beyond belief, I think... "Could the principles of Effortless Running be applied to skating?" So, I started to skate "Effortlessly".... and yes. These principles can be applied. The only thing is I can assume it will take more than two minutes of practice as I was going extremely fast, but my muscles weren't engaged as they were completely relaxed. After doing seven laps at top speed I went from being shattered to rested because of the lack of strength I had to use to put down the power. I did unfortunately crash like a champion a couple of times when some of the inline hockey players cut me off and I'll need to think about how to apply the principles to stopping... unfortunately we had the same issue in the dojo while running and Peter did point out once you were running it wasn't easy to stop.

This amount of effort is required to travel at top speed

Diet: I can not believe how stressed I was today. Could barely eat breakfast (weetbix/banana) had a mammoth sandwich for lunch, some biscuits and tea, then mostly bread with cheese for dinner. Couldn't rustle up an appetite for much else, I hope I feel better tomorrow.

Sleep: Around six hours last night, not going to be enough tonight. I forgot about getting some gloves earlier for the boxing section of my workshop so I'll need to arrange that first thing, just a general mess of things. I was going to go to skate training on Sunday but I think it's going to have to be a pass to get back into my workshop. If I manage to teach them effortless skating on Tuesday, maybe all will be forgiven...?



Bad feeling that I'm going to still be stressed tomorrow. I wish I could shake it off like water off a dog, hopefully some boxing will help with that.

Day Twenty Nine: Gotta Roll With It, Gotta Take My Time

Let's just gloss over some aspects of today. High points, weird points, some degree of perspective alteration. The choices I chose, so let's just roll with it.

Rollin', on Jukes
As soon as I get these they are being thrown in a bucket of dye.

Aikido/Fitness: Still as jumpy as a tigger. My body is in relentless top gear as a result of the long hours I'm putting in so even when I leave the dojo, I'm tired but restless. If I go out afterwards all I want to do is jump, spring and glide through rollbacks and pushes. Ridiculous. My feet ache something terrible (sigh, always the feet) as a result of the pressure from spending nearly all day in a squat, shifting weight and running backwards. Spending so much time running backwards. Aside from having busted a tendon (feels like the extensor hallucis brevis) I've developed callouses from the circles I've been running. 8.30am till 5.30pm tonight, had to attend some important social events.

Derby: Skills test for the PCR girls. I went along to support Starsong and Chinky Minx as I won't be skating with PCR. It's too much to get into as to why, but I've spent enough time considering what was on offer to regret my decision. See ya'll at Roller Con! (...and Blood & Thunder, Aotearumble, public sessions...)

Diet: Weetbix, tea, a bumper bar, mammoth sandwich, beer, chips, some sort of mince and vegetable mix, chocolate milk. I had a friends birthday drinks tonight before the skills test and I'm not the kind of prat to be socially annoying and not drink / eat at the bar because of some diet restrictions. My training is a priority, so these sorts of events are not every night. It also makes these occasions significantly more relaxed, enjoyable and fun. Still should have gotten something more substantial for dinner, but then I missed two hours in the dojo.

Sleep: Slept in a wee bit, but fortunately have found a quicker way to the dojo so was only three minutes late. It's hard with the long days of training - there's no opportunity to catch up but it's nine straight days of twelve hour training sessions.... I've had to sneak in social things in afterwards which makes the days longer but I didn't really want to leave some things for so long! The times, they are busy. Monday morning - I'm looking at you - it's gonna be bliss sleeping in till 8 or 9am.










I'm a ball of fluffies. Pheeeeeee. 

Day Twenty Eight: What the What?

Tonight gave me some interesting insights and some intriguing thoughts to play with. I should probably write them down because it's all Derby stuff but I am so immersed in my martial play time, and I can barely remember all the amazing things I want to without adding more to the pile. 

Anyway. Other things happened too. Things I should have manipulated better, but soft social skills are a little beyond my mastery. Instead, I might do some work on an off-skates training program instead.

Fitness/Aikido: Body throws! Body throws. I am (was?) so bad at body throws. Okay, yes, I've only ever done them about three or four times before today, and Sensei helped a lot after I continued to fail to 'load', then Brie and I used our free time to throw each other relentlessly around. Did not help when she said something to irritate me, so I went to drop her and dumped her on my own foot. Owch. Then we worked on using Effortless "Balance" - using the principles of Effortless Power to remain balanced (as often when pushing or being pushed the body braces/tenses itself which requires effort) - this was challenging to say the least. Not that any of the workshop has been easy, it's all insanely hard, but damn. It's frustrating knowing how long mastery will take, when the benefits of mastery are so apparent and great, yet at least this is now known to me. Just as Peter says, "Now, do that a few thousand times and you'll start to get it..." 

Derby: Caught the tail end of advanced freshmeat training so I could talk to a couple of the higher ups. Spent most of the time doing handstands, quick feet drills and a couple of rollbacks waiting for the final drill to wrap up. Get amped pretty easily around people on skates, my body gets springy and excited by the prospect of skating. Sorry feet, not tonight...

Diet: Weetbix and banana for breakfast, biscuit, mammoth sandwich, a few pieces of dark chocolate to keep me less moody, and Burger Fuel for dinner. Considering the length of time I spend rolling, jumping, lunging and running around at the moment I know the quantity of food I'm consuming is much more important than the calibre (although the calibre wasn't been too bad) - woop. Body says it's okay with it all at the moment. It's a good thing my internal feedback kicked back in, otherwise this workshop would be impossible!

Sleep: Fell asleep after midnight last night which wasn't great, but woke up at around 6am anyway and struggled to keep resting until 7am when I got up. I'm having sleepy patches between 7 - 9pm which I can't quite shake, and are really annoying, but again, feedback from my body says it's fine. Will try and get seven hours tonight but... we'll see how that goes.