Start strong... stay strong

Not picture: Searing pain

I guess the hardest and best thing to do when you change your behaviour is to just stick with it. It's all vegetables, meat, gym and getting stuff done these days. Monday at the gym was great, my squat form has improved out of sight (amazing what a good trainer will do) and since then I've been hobbling around because I am bad with progression management and I may have said, "I feel great! Who needs to warm down?"

Bullseye!

 We had our first (and last) beginner archery class on Tuesday night. I say last because now we can shoot and do all the archery things, don't need no more beginner classes! We were there for two hours, just over an hour actually shooting and it makes me want to cry tears of boredom wondering how an introductory course at other establishments can take 6 - 8 weeks. By the end of the night I could strike the bullseye and my grouping was fairly consistent. Unless those other beginner courses are preparing you for the Olympics, I don't know what on earth they teach to fill the extra hours.

Just keep eating, just keep eating...

My body is having a strange time adjusting to the new diet. I think it has a lot of positives, but sometimes I am ravenous and other times when I have proteins to eat I just don't feel any hunger. At those points I start out slow by eating all the greens and tentatively building myself up to eat a portion of meat. I am well motivated though, I want to put on about 8kg of muscle but I need to support that with intaking the parts to build it up.




Honestly - I used to think diet was a distant second to exercise in the scheme of fitness and well being (unless you were a competitive sculptor, builder, lifter etc) - partially because I don't care about food and have never been heavy, and have previously managed some muscle definition without being too careful about my consumption.



But I kind of feel like now is the time. If I'm honest, every moment is 'the time', but hesitating takes away from the finite time that we do have. So... yes. I'm going to eat my chicken now.

nom nom nom

And we're back!

Wow, it's been a while aye?

Anyway. Where did we leave off? Geez, a lot happened in two years.

This happened to my league

Unfortunately my team captain and co-captain threw all their toys out of the cot after a steller 2012 season. By that I mean they drove half the team away with their hateful attitudes and basically imploded the league which still manages to limp along. Sadly NZ derby is like any organisation run by volunteers - there is a lot of enthusiasm and but not a lot of competency. 

Still a winner!

But I still loved skating! We went to the parks and the roller discos, but it felt directionless. So we signed up for "Learn to Skate" with an artistic club. Once we were there we were snaffled up by the Masters before we had even made it through all the ranks. We won a gold medal in a sport internationally recognised by governing bodies. Plus, errmerrgerhd artistic leotards are just like ice skating ones, amazing! 

Backing up for a minute, after I walked away from derby due to political differences with an executive board that can't follow any of their own rules, I basically slid to a stop. I was in a new relationship after a couple of years being single and we focused on keeping each other entertained. I discovered I still had a job and threw myself back into that, snaffling a promotion within a month or two. Then it was all work, movies, phone games and generic family activities - everything was good, but I found myself sinking into 'the comfort zone' again... work, come home, shower, snacks, play with the birds (oh yes, we got cockatiels), TV, lazing around, dinner, bed, repeat. Too many weekends where we left the house to get groceries and not much else. 

Last time this happened I put up with it for three years before I snapped. The only good thing about snapping is that I rebel by grabbing all the opportunities and picking up all the activities at once. It had been eighteen months of sitting around achieving not much else than that shiny gold medal, but it wasn't enough and I snapped. That was the other week. 

Click!

Roll forward a couple of weeks and I've joined the gym properly - no more six week trials I don't follow through with - updated the diet (apparently necessary to build all the lean mass I want), booked guitar lessons and taking up archery (to enter the Masters Games in 2017). I've hashed out a weekly schedule that looks good and we'll see if I need to add anything else to fill up my time to get me out of bed and stop playing games on my phone when I could be doing something better. 

Until then ...

wow I was going to post a Buzz Light Year image with "To infinity and beyond!" but instead I discovered that it is some sort of bizarre trend that a pair of women get half each of this tattoo on each other and it seems really weak and uninspired now. I have to go shake off these hibbly-jibblies.

YOLO: You're Doing It Wrong

YOLO
Abbreviation for: You Only Live Once

The dumbass's excuse for something stupid that they did. Also one of the most annoying abbreviations ever.
Urban Dictionary


I wasn't the only one filled with an inexplicable rage over YOLO - stupid people aren't any more stupid for coming up with a word to describe their stupidity, it was just highlighted by this meme that stupid people are justifying their poor choices by ignoring a life of achievements to feel like taking another pill, downing another six pack or getting in that strangers van was a good decision. It also explains why when I saw the Lion King again recently that I had one of those moments, "What the hell is wrong with Simba? Hakuna matata? That is a cowardice attitude, not carefree!" I used to love that movie. I'm not so sure now that Simba reminds me of all the retarded YOLOs out there. It's similar to "Live every day as if it is your last," which I have also never trucked with.




pictured: a selfish coward that only does the right thing when he realises he'll never get laid again if he keeps hanging out with meerkats and warthogs. I think a revised version should have Nala taking over Pride Rock.


I say no to all of this. Hell no. You know why? Because you never achieve any long term goals that way. And sure, long term goals require all this effort, preparation and denying yourself the 'simple pleasures'... but when you weigh the rewards of immediate self gratification (I'm a gonna eat this pie!) against six months of healthy eating, gym time and self care, I'd take the increased fitness, muscle definition and higher levels of feeling great about myself over three hundred instances of "That sure was a nice pie." As long as I don't get hit by a bus or something unfortunate I'm going to live a longer, better quality life than all those pies would have bought me. 

I don't actually eat a lot of pies even at the height of pie consumption,
I just really like saying the word "pie".

Anyway. Writing a blog seems to take up an inordinate amount of time that is compounded by the fact that my Copious Free Time is pretty minimal. The good thing about that is that the reason I'm time poor is because I'm either skating, gyming, socialising, working or sleeping/napping. I feel pretty great about not having a lot of time, and knowing I need to be on top of my game every day for either skating, gym or simply staying awake through a movie keeps me from over indulging in areas that have negative consequences.

It's kind of like a self regulating system that is keeping me on track for long term achievements. I am also loving living by The Big Picture; eating a stir fry instead of maccas, going to the gym rather than watching cartoons, walking instead of driving around the corner... it helps of course that my arm definition is slowly creeping back (and I'm so close to that first full pull up), my neighbours make amazing, healthesque foods and I am decidely given over to roller derby. Currently life is all gym times, occassionally spending time at my work desk and going to Nationals.

Did I mention we're going to Nationals this weekend? I'm excited. I'm hoping some time next week to post a blog explaining how amazing it all was. 

YOLO. Doing it right this time.

 

Rolling On a River

Damn but it's been a busy time. I foolishly think I may find some time in the future for various side projects that have been waiting for ages, but I have niggling doubts about that for some reason.


Just touched back in Auckland after being in Adelaide for the Great Southern Slam. My team did exceptionally well, we scored the second best points ratio (32%) against VRDL who won, (Sun State came second place with 58%) and no one else did better than 23%. I say it in percentages because some of the games were 40 minutes and some were 60, and I figured it was the best way of representing our achievement. Due to our pooling we actually walked away with a ninth place ranking instead of third, we could have beaten those other six if we'd gotten to play them! We still got to play a great game against VRDL and a challenging (or interesting might be a better word) against New Castle.

What the ARDL might look like in a couple of years.
Just saying.

I'm not overly concerned. I watched the game and know how good the ARDL are. We have a couple of sophomores and rookies coming through the ranks being trained by the top coaches this side of the ditch to add to a formidable lineup, so... watch this space.

The weekend was amazing and I learnt a lot (about everything, not just derby) that I will be able to use to my advantage. There were other considerations that were highlighted by the stress of the tournament as well which we can work through to our benefit going forward - it was new for any of the rookies (and us sophomores) to either lose a game or even have a close match. I learnt when I was a kid that things like this don't have to be viewed negatively, they can be seen as learning opportunities for us to grow and develop skills we otherwise would not need as we puddle around NZ playing other leagues.

A woman's work is never done...

Anyway. The Derby was fantastic. I played a "No Minors" game as a ringer for West Australia, jammed against New Castle (who said nice things to me about my skating afterwards!) and yelled myself hoarse at Light City who took our rookies for a spin. Then some other stuff happened, we went to the zoo, and I'm back in Auckland for about 36 hours - enough time to grab a snack, a nap and wash a piece of clothing or two.




And then.
I went to the gym this afternoon.

When I think about it now, nothing was going to stop me. After my first game at Americarnage or Carmageddon or whatever it was in New Plymouth, I felt a drive to improve. Don't get me wrong, when I started last year I wanted to be a derby star and was in the middle of trying to be a selfish bint, so I just wanted to be good for me. But after my first game the pieces fell into place with the ARDL... I wanted to be the best... for them. I've always been much more highly motivated by doing things for other people than myself, so at this point I surged ahead in my personal development towards derby. Now, after TGSS, this has happened again with a refinement in what I consider the league needs from me more than anything.

I am pushing forward. Hard, without pause, I can see the steps I need to take and keep running to hit them as quickly as possible. We're on a cool down after TGSS to drink, sleep or do whatever... and the only thing I want to do on my first day off? Gym. Skate. Improve.

Fortunately for me after returning from the gym I had plenty of time to grab some kit together and get a teeny bit of jam skating in at a Queerlesque event. Everything just happened for me today, including getting a nice discount on a Belkin surge protector, banana loaf and seeing Cindy of Samoa (today has been all win, and tomorrow morning I'm being taken to Rarotonga - it's a tough life but someone's gotta live it)

But back to my point.
I thought I wanted to be the best jammer I could be for the ARDL, and that was what I was working towards. I see it differently now, I see more clearly what the league needs from me and it isn't just another jammer. There's more than our skating ability out on the track.

Dad: You're not a team of champions, you're a champion team.

Psychological Indulgences

Wow, I've been busy. My league is going to the Australasian tournament in June for roller derby and we've been fundraising, training and hanging out something fierce.

But enough about Derby,

I kinda love my life at the moment. And yes, this is something we should all do, all the time… but it’s not always easy. Well it’s been super easy for me lately. Every time I stop and think, “My life couldn’t be anymore boss right now,” aside from having an aside to myself, “Stop saying ‘boss’ all the time,” my life gets all uppity,

“You think this is the best you can do? You think you’re peaking? Well guess what! You’re not!”

What if we made it FOUR forks?

then things get even better.

It’s a little horrible in one way as I know people who are going through some real life bad times, evictions, illness, craziness, legal stuff…. Whoa! Life just got real for some people. People I love and care about, but damn, I can’t do a damn thing to help them. It makes me feel like I should celebrate my successes quietly, as I don’t want to be all, “Hey! I just got the lease on this awesome place I really wanted and… oh. You’re still being evicted. And all I’m doing is moving my lazy arse out of home, not like I don’t have options.”

But anyway. Part of my enjoyment at the moment is from the level of contrast. Here I am, thinking of a highly professional and responsible way to email my tenants and explain to them that due to increases in my insurance and rates that I’m putting their rent up (Sidebar: not true, I’m moving out and just want more money to subsidise my own rent as I’m paying my upper limit). Nek minute, I’m giggling in excitement as this evening we are dressing up in furry animal onesies and going to an outdoor movie screening.

Dealing with my tenants. Getting excited about animal onesies. I love it, it makes me want to laugh and fills me with happy

And why shouldn't it? I've always been conscious in my life that the decisions I make effect me - not a steller realisation but I see a lot of people who seem to not understand this very basic concept. If I decide to shove my hand in a fire, I'm going to own my burns because that's what I wanted. I own all my decisions despite their outcome being positive or negative because they're what I chose. I have found the simple act of owning yourself supports making positive, forward moving decisions. If you blame external forces, it's easy to stagnate. If you're only looking to yourself for answers, you better be moving forward or want to be standing still. I haven't been able to slow down for a beat since I took 100% responsibility for my life.

When Life Gives You Hell....

My life has been stretched to it's limits in all directions at the moment.

Work is troublesome, but I just don't care about the issues we're facing (the strikes are like force majeure, what do you expect us to do? Sue God?) It's still quite possibly the most stressful time of my entire career so far. I'm running at partial productivity and feel relatively directionless and unsupported. Not a good thing. But that's just work. Work's not terribly important to me in the scheme of things. It just pays the bills and gets me out of bed in the morning. Well, most days.

Derby has been fantastic. Sure, a few bumps in the road but considering the skaters I hang out with... yes. I'm going to feel on the back foot a lot. It doesn't matter to me how long I've been skating for, I predominantly see my self in terms of competency compared with my teammates. It sets the bar pretty high for me - I have a lot of respect for what they can do. Other than the skating, spending time with my team has been thoroughly enjoyable... and lately, a bit of a necessity for my sanity...

I can't discuss those things that are not my own story, and for some people that's the worst kind of 'sharing', there are no juicy details to sink your teeth into. Like you care about my 'problems' if I don't divulge who slept with who's sister at so-and-so's wedding (I'll be honest though, I'm talking about real problems. Not TV soap type problems). If you have been next to someone go through a very personal and difficult trial, you'll know it's not your place to share that story - it's not yours to give, and some people will always keep it close, keep it safe. I've had several things happen around me lately that have impacted on me (although not to me). It's hard because part of me needs the respite, it feels heavy inside carrying these pieces of knowledge, but they're not mine to put down.

It has slowed me down. Having unexpected bumps come out of left field - some were "no fault" situations, just pure stupid bad luck, others were.... far, far more dark and concerning. It's predominantly the snowballing effect, there's so much going on all over the show that I just need to remember to keep my feet. I can't let this get me, I can't. I don't have time to be got.

Do not want.

It'll be cool - just need to get through this week, Tuesday / Wednesday / Thursday are sorted so that I'll be away from my troubles and then Friday I can sleep in then escape the city. Time has a wondrous healing factor and then I only have a few days back in Auckland before we jet off again for Blood and Thunder. April 14th we have our first public home game, so much excitement. I'm also hopeful that it'll be the same weekend to be accepted into a flat that would be perfect for all my work/derby/central Auckland requirements.

So much will be happening to restore balance in my mind and make me significantly more satisfied overall, and shortly. I just hope I don't push too hard to escape the bad situations and let any of the negativity spill over into any other areas.

Joining the Wonderbolts

Obviously the league isn't called the Wonderbolts, I just use that analogy because Rainbow Dash is so enamoured by them as the ultimate flyers that she looks up to - which is how I feel about my league so it seemed fitting, and Rainbow Dash is a recent cartoon inspiration of mine. She's always pushing the boundaries of her own abilities to be better.

Plus she's a bit of an arrogant dick at times.

like, phoomfh.

Training is one thing, but as I mentioned the social aspect was flooring too. It caught me off guard, I only just realised recently my emotional defences have been completely down for about six months (explains several things I was overly upset about during this time), which meant that when good things happened, wow, they completely blew my mind. 




It reminded me of that feeling when you start a new relationship with someone and you realise that you're self destructively ignoring all the other aspects of your life, but you actually just don't care because your significant other is proving all your immediate happinesses and it's too good to pass up. I'm an adult though, so I made an effort to not just let go of everything else in my life. I'll need my other friends to bring to fundraisers anyway.