New Life, New Outlook

It's not really new, but then for the last eighteen months things have been changing so rapidly I've only spent brief moments deeply reflecting on everything that's different now. I almost avoid it as it makes me start to leak eye water, and I already appreciate the change of situation. I have a lot more love and happiness in my life than before, I've become one of those people I used to loathe... those people who seem to know what they're doing, where they're going and are happy about everything that occurs around them.

Just like a triceratops in space. Like you'd question him.

I was pretty angry with myself at the end of 2010. I was angry because I had done nothing since 2008. I was surrounded by people who had done nothing, were going no-where, and spent all their time be-moaning the fact that life was so mean and hard. I let myself get sucked into it, externalising the lack of achievements and brooding internally on failure. I finally snapped, I knew it when I was having thoughts that there was something wrong with me because I wasn't drug-f*cked all the time. Everyone around me was, but at least they had an excuse for being drop kicks! I didn't. So I was mad at myself. Mad at what I'd become. Frustrated that I'd wasted my potential and denied myself a life for so long. I had my reasons and the circumstance was different but.... these are just excuses.

It also put me in the right mindset to become enthralled with Ponies

So I dumped my girlfriend, dumped my waster 'friends', re-established healthy relationships, got the promotion, bought the house, secured travel, returned to martial arts, sold all my furniture, sold the car, bought an adventure van, and just bolted out of the gate.


I felt like I'd been unfettered and all I wanted to do was run, and I still am (metaphorically because I still hugely dislike actual running).


I initially had a lot of things to fix, a lot of things I had put off - my time was filled with rebuilding a life that I could be proud of. It was hard, until I hit breaking point I thought I didn't have the strength or the skills to make it work. But I did, and every step I took pulled me out of the dark and into a world that had been waiting for me all this time. Waiting for me with opportunities, friends, love, fun, adventure and levels of daily awesomeness that I could not have even begun to fathom were accessible to the middle class citizens of the world. Then I realised what had happened, my outlook had changed. Dealing with everyone wasn't a chore anymore, my job wasn't dragging me away from laying in bed all day, going away wasn't an expensive hassle... the further away I got from my old life the more bad habits and poor attitudes I saw I had been indulging in, and it spurred me on faster. I couldn't get far enough away, quick enough. The quickest route away from my old life?

I don't want to be superwoman,
I just want to be a woman and be super.

Up.

And once I was on that trajectory, nothing was gonna stop me.





So now I keep myself surrounded by people I respect and enjoy. For some things my tolerance has been utterly levelled - I will instantly write off some people without consideration. Part of me wishes I could offer more acceptance but at the end of the day, that kind of person isn't worth a second of my time anyway. I've paid my dues, rather unnecessarily, and for my own sake the only people I want to associate with either make me feel good about myself, or I make them feel good about themselves. I don't think it's unreasonable to use those bench marks for drawing a line between "we can be friends," and "get off my porch before I brain you with a spade and do society a favour,"

Unless you're a zombie. Then I'll grab the chainsaw instead