Day Twenty: Resolutions, Refinement and... Conflict.

If you tilt your head, it kinda looks like a dancing stick figure,
and not the gnarled expression of horrible stress I'm trying to convey

Almost glad to be back at work, it's a nice distraction from everything else. Constructive day at work, but then first day always is, by tomorrow when more work piles up I'll get dismayed and go back to looking up pictures of kittens.






Fitness: Gym membership expiry today. And I didn't even go to the gym (something about 'expired membership' kinda gave me the chills). I went to off-skates training with Irn Bruja instead, where we pounded some pavement and then jumped around a bit. It actually was fairly tolerable, except for the sun in my eyes at one point, but it did have me thinking I could jog to Vicky Park and do my own off-skates on a semi-regular basis rather than going to the gym. There's even that work-out park bit at Vicky Park for idiots like myself who feel compelled to try and figure out how those metal contraptions are even meant to work, let alone not killing yourself on them. Maybe it will make it harder to assess improvements (I can't just say I added 10kg to my press) but then it's probably a more practical environment I'm developing skills in. We'll see. Maybe I need a gym to inspire me to work out (and did I mentioned Sushi Girl was spotted at Les Mills? Sushi Girl). Or maybe I can actually just do it in a free park and stop being so context driven. Also, if there are no punk kids around there's always a skate park right there too!

Aikido: I skipped Aikido this evening to do important reconnaissance. I feel a bit lame about it but from Saturday I have eight straight days of training from 8.30am till 9pm. I also feel a bit lame about knowing I'm going to sneak out during some of those days for someone's birthday drinks and to go skating (I mean, I paid good money for this boot-camp!). In a previous life, I could have dedicated eight days solid without interruption from other hobbies, friends or family, but apparently not anymore. Part of me wishes I could be that dedicated, another part of me is grateful I have other matters in my life I wish to attend to.

Derby: Off-skates isn't really ... or is it? Anyway. I need to do more hopping and one legged squats on my left leg. It will help improve it's balance. My right leg is significantly stronger and the balance on it, almost faultless. Really helped highlight my left leg deficits.

Diet: Work had this stressful sort of feel to it, so I had peanut butter toast and two cups of tea for breakfast. Then I had to buy more bread or get Subway for lunch... and so I got a foot long sub. I debated this, buying a sandwich or making my own. In the end, making my own would have taken up significantly more time and I was on a roll at work, and knew I wasn't going to be productive on Thursday or Friday (I can just tell when I'm going to be useless in advance), end result - Subway. A nice pre-off skates training snack. On the way home from off-skates (sorry for keeping you so late Bruja! eep) I swung by the supermarket for a pre-cooked chicken, bread, avocado, brie and hummus. I'm menu lazy, this is a stock standard sandwich for me but much better than the maccas that looms ever-so easily on the drive home. Damn but it was tempting tonight.

fuck you, McDonald's

  It'll be fine Rachel, you're training heaps, fit, strong,... you can have maccas occasionally... and you've been so stressed lately.... just think of it as a treat! 







Sleep: So I woke up at 6.30am because I remembered my phone was plugged into the computer and the alarm doesn't go off if it's in PC Studio mode. The alarm is set for 6.45am and as I rolled over, all I could think was, "Am I ever truly asleep? What the hell was that, like a conscious decision to wake up because I knew my alarm wouldn't go off unless I unplugged the phone?" It makes me doubt all manner of things, like if I even need sleep or if I just don't do it right. Seems to me despite being 'asleep' my brain was still fully cognizant of what was happening. Which makes me think the damn thing could be a bit more useful during the day!


But at least the last few days have been filled with the conversations that I needed to have, despite being filled with telling me what I already know. Sometimes you need to hear it, and admit to it out loud before things become a reality.

Day Nineteen: Reminder, I'm Doing This For Me

Finding money is one of my super powers.

I'm sure some things were stressing me out earlier. Then something else entirely far more catastrophic happened and I forgot all the little things that were bugging me. Then I found $5, and my mind came up with a solution to the current situation I find myself in so, yes, all and all, a good afternoon.





This week looks a little like it's going to turn to carnage goal-wise. I need to go to off-skates training so I'm missing Aikido on Tuesday, then I need to miss skate training on Thursday to go to my brothers birthday dinner. Both of these things have high ranking social importance that always overrides life-style choices. Here I am, being an adult. I feel like I've been saying that a lot lately.

Gym: Rest day from the gym. I actually did some planks on Sunday and I have to wonder why I can do them much longer when by myself rather than in company.

Aikido: No training today

Derby: Went for a skate along the viaduct with the wife, checked out the Laneways Festival. It met with my expectations, then we came back. Outdoors is great because it's unforgiving and pedestrians can be surprising. It was after 6pm and apparently, my work had factored in the public holidays on the key cards and I couldn't get back into the office. So I caught the train home in my full derby attire, and managing to slide in under the garage door just as my brother was leaving and locking the place up (did I mention my house keys were in my jeans, in the office? yay). Timing, plus plus. Oh, and I cleaned my skates.

Diet: Weetbix w/ banana for breakfast and then tea and chocolate milk for snacks. Wholemeal pita bread and some cheese for lunch, then a delicious ham sandwich with avocado and cheese on wholemeal again. Yoghurt and blueberries for dessert... not the best but reasonably satisfied with today. Has a 73 out of a possible 100 feel to it

Sleep: 2am-ish again, but for a weekend wake up of 8am it's not too bad, as I'm still taking it pretty slow and easy. Definitely hitting the sack by 11pm tonight as I need to be at work early so I can leave work at a reasonable hour to relocate my car to Western Springs before rush hour. Why is it every time I leave my keys at work that I need my car the next day?

For a long weekend when I had very few activities planned that seemed to go by very quickly. I look forward to the mid-twenty days with nervous anticipation.

Day Eighteen: Maybe I'm Just Being A Dick

I assume the apocalypse will involve zombies.

When I'm left to my own devices, my brain processes things that it really doesn't need to. It does however make me a top candidate to seek out during the apocalypse as I can do things like show you how to set up a system to filter the salt out of sea water.







Anyway, I thought I had problems, and then I had problems. Time to throw the kerosene on the floor, light a match and walk away from the disaster that is slowly piling up around my feet. Be an adult for once Rachel, let it burn.

The challenges of wanting to be the best. Sometimes I believe I have delusions of grandeur. But then I remember how awesome I am.



Gym: Rest day. I was busy doing... other things.

Aikido: No training today.

Derby: Legs are still shot. My technique was really untidy today, and I keep getting shin splints doing a lot of frontal blocking drills. God knows why, because I don't get them from jumping which would make more sense. But then we did a lot of jumping. I love obstacle courses.

Diet: One and a half home-made bacon and egg Mcmuffins for breakfast, preloading for training, then some garlic bread and a beer for afternoon tea, a failure to refuel, but then I'm all upstairs in my head at the moment. So I made homemade hamburgers for dinner.

Sleep: Stayed up too late last night, 2am. Woke up at 8am again and grumbled around my pillows for just over an hour. Sleep, damn you, sleep! The quality of sleep was better even if I cheaped out a bit on the quantity. I've stayed up again tonight but my brain is still doing a lot of thinking.


Ergh, who would have thought life would have this annoying habit of impacting on the way I'm trying to live it?

Day Seventeen: Long Weekend of Effort

Right. As much as I've been looking forward to the long weekend it was predominantly so I could fluff about and really, relax. Part of me feels I haven't earned that, another part of me is thinking, in week 6 I am going to be physically crippled and have preplanned taking the following Monday off specifically so I can basically not move all day, if I'm even capable of moving. So maybe I should sit around and do nothing this weekend and take it easy this week.

stuff and things. flat affect will save me.

Only feeling marginally achy this morning. I have more pressing things on my mind today than what my muscles are doing. That being said though I figured I can still stay in charge and push myself through today with varying degrees of success.







Gym: Last night, there were various reasons I may or may not have wanted to go to the gym, none of them work out related. I've found any hesitation I have about gym attendance is never about whether I want to exercise or not, it's just people. Argh. As if I don't have enough social problems. Anyway the wife texted me to say we were going to the gym this morning so I dutifully turned up and did a few things. Planks, arm stuff, neck stuff, acknowledged my legs failed after step 2 instead of step 5 of 7 today (so, failure point is getting shockingly low). They really need a break, aside from skating this weekend I figure I'll spend the rest of the time being nice to them. Just wish I knew how long they needed to rest for. I'm thinking four days off (legs only) and hope for the best.

Aikido: No training today

Derby: No skating today

Diet: Skimped on breakfast and just had a couple of mouthfuls of chocolate milk, a handul of peanuts and half a bottle of guava juice. Not constructive but a variety of inputs nonetheless. A delicious mammoth sandwich for lunch and more chocolate milk (I realise I seem to drink a lot of the stuff but I only consume 250mls at most any one time). Lamb roast for dinner. Marginally satisfied with today.

Sleep: Woke up just after 8am - my body really doesn't like being asleep for more than 8 hours at a maximum. I'm hoping it will break a bit further, when I was averaging 4 hours during the week it would give me up to 12 hours in a row on my recovery night. I don't want to over cook it so I struggle out of bed in the mornings wishing I could have had more sleep, I'd just like to be able to sneak an extra hour or so in when I have days off that I don't have many activities planned for. We'll see....

Day Sixteen: Injurious Victory

Strange day today. I feel energised, run down, excited and relaxed. I'm blaming this on the internal feedback malfunctioning at the moment. Also seem to be coping really poorly with all the over stimulating goings on, I'm letting myself get carried away with it all.

Even I have no idea what I'm thinking right now

 No comment

So. I'm going to ignore all the garbage flying around in my head until my mind sorts itself out and comes up with some decent plans. I kinda wish all of life was as easy to deal with as physical challenges, I figure there are people out there with relatively normal social lives who wish they could go to the gym more and be a bit more dedicated to things like that. That means we're all looking over the bridge thinking, "Mmm. The grass sure looks greener over there." Or at least, stickier. My point is that I'm probably not alone, wistfully daydreaming about how much easier other personality types must find life. We all have our own personal challenges.

(unrelated cough) back to the goals.

Gym: Rest day. I considered going to the gym after work but I need my legs to recover. With all the Derby and Aikido I'm beginning to wonder about how to effectively rest my quads in particularly so they're not constantly fatigued. My gym membership expires on the 31st as well so I need to sort out what I want to do. I've become fond of Les Mills Britomart for various reasons but it's about twice as much as the local competition.

Aikido: No training today.

Derby: Public skate at Mount Wellington. There were a few of us puddling around, meeting some new people who are keen to join up in the next intake, it was great to be able to assist at the open session as I won't be able to help with the Maiden Voyage as much as I'd like. I wasn't as happy with my foot work as I could have been otherwise, and I still failed to win the limbo competition. Damn children. They have an unfair advantage of being short (although frankly, I dropped a knee instead of extending it so I only have myself to blame). Worked a bit on my hockey stops but wasn't really feeling it on the new floor. It doesn't help I was flooded with adrenalin - this happened at outdoor skates on Thursday too (but not the rink or skatepark session). Again, knowing I'm not the only one this happens to (normally inexplicably) does make me feel better about it.

Diet: Uhh. I'm writing this a day late so this'll be hard as I care very little about food and intake beyond it's fuel like qualities. Okay. Breakfast was date loaf, tea and biscuits, lunch was a rice bowl from Cocos because I was going to make a sandwich, but lo, I had no more meat or cheese. I wasn't amount to eat bread with hummus and avocado because that just sounded empty and disappointing. I had a beer for late afternoon tea and then... ah. Chocolate milk and a yoghurt for dinner after skating.

How I see food. Mmm, delicious.

I don't really feel anything was too unhealthy but I know I could have eaten more. I need the fuel and nutrients for muscle recovery but I don't get as hungry as would adequately reflect their requirements (childhood trauma - I eat cause I know I have to, not due to any internal signal). This goes against everything out there about diets as everyone else seems to be trying to lose weight, but I need to eat more than I want (if I feel like eating at all) - not a lot, but just more fuel for my body to burn up doing what it needs to do to recover my muscles faster.


Sleep: I'm beginning to suspect there are multiple issues with my current sleeping arrangement as I've had one passable good nights' sleep so far since being back home. I might try rearranging the furniture and swapping the duvet, see if that helps. Anyway, barely 6 hours, most of it patchy, much better dreams but still not really ideal. I slept in an hour past my alarm and considered calling in sick and staying in bed all day. But that happens most mornings and I tend to ignore it. Bed time was meant to be around 11pm and I probably could have made it, 'Just ten minutes of Dune 2' is never just ten minutes and I know it. So I went to sleep around 12.30am instead. Saving grace for myself is that the alarm for Saturday morning is set for 9am - but I woke up just after 8am because my system still doesn't like being asleep for longer periods of time than that. It's just the calibre of sleep that's getting to me.

Day Fifteen: Here We Go Again

There are just never enough hours in the day to get everything done that I want to. I can only take so many hours out of a work day at the moment as well because every other time I think I have a handle on things, various work tasks explode in a fury of outsourced and local failures. Plus, I could really use some mutant healing factor to recover from the gym and various injuries I've sustained recently.

You probably thought this was going to be Wolverine.
Interesting Fact: Sea Cucumbers also have mutant healing factor

Fitness: Rest day from the gym due to time constraints. I spend too much time Aikido'ing and skating on Thursdays. Didn't go to the gym at lunch either because it was totally time to go for a skate instead.

Aikido: Just the Beginners class again. It's not as good as the Fundamentals class but I find teaching people techniques really highlights to yourself the important aspects of a movement. Place your feet like so, toe to toe, look where they're looking, etc. Some awesome feedback and a lot of pride and satisfaction from this evening, I think I may be coming out of my funk.

Derby: Skating. So much skating today. My legs hate me with a firey vengance and I'm in such a docile, exhausted, happy mood because of it. Me? Docile? Yes, after four and up to six hours of skating I become effectively calm. After six hours I get incredibly aggressive. So there is a sweet spot.

After four hours of skating.

 Firstly I went for a skate round the viaduct with a couple of other advanced freshies, which is great because I haven't bothered to go check out the new wharf extension thing since it was built. We ventured over to the Victoria Park skate park and were well intimidated by the youngins and their amazing scootiling skills. Then at rink time it was backwards (weaving, jumping, obstacle course!), hockey stops (kinda slid into one or two power slides... oops...) and lots of toe stop and sideways movement work. Almost developed blisters doing so much toe stop work... cautious. And then after this I headed straight back to Victoria Park and discovered I'm rubbish on half pipes, much better on rampy / jumpy bits and that concrete is kinda scary. Fell down a half pipe after thinking jumping into it would be easier than rolling over the top bar (no), and maimed myself on the side. As I lay there contemplating having jarred my vertebrae the wife said she was going to go get her phone to take some footage so I decided to leave the half pipe for later. No one records me failing.

Diet: Weetbix breakfast, making an effort to recover from a spiralling fail. Mammoth sandwich for lunch amongst tea and jaffas, I needed the energy for skating. Chocolate milk after skating (the first and second time) and then at 11.30pm when I was still downtown I went to maccas for some fuel, knowing if I went home I wasn't going to eat anything. I debated which was worse, (nothing or maccas) and realised after 5 hours of exercise today that maccas was probably better. Not particularly proud of these moments but it was very late. 

Sleep: Yes, so it was very late when I was still downtown. By the time I finally fell out of the shower at 12.15am I'm feeling a bit mangled. I wouldn't have been at Victoria Park for so long but the wife's just back from her holiday and so there was catch-up time required. 1am sleep time. More fail. With the long weekend coming up as well I'm going to have to concentrate on being firmer and getting it all under control again.

Oh wow. And there's all sorts of personal excitement and decisions going on in the background, I am really wired by the events and opportunities at the moment (so much better than Tuesday where it was all bad news and depressing times). I feel a little like I was pulled backwards through a wringer at the moment, I can only assume because of my failures on the sleep/diet fronts, but I'd rather be on top of my game to meet the current flow of activities head on. Reminder to self: it's my choice. 

Day Fourteen: Whirlpools of Madness

I'm not familiar with the type of thing that I'm seeing

So many ups and downs today. No idea what to make of it. Work is being far too annoying and the people far too stupid to have made today very enjoyable at my desk.

I thought I wasn't going to be able to go skating at lunch time so I left my skates at home, (thinking it would be easier to take if they weren't within reach when I ran out of time) but instead I've spent today being horrifically unconstructive because I find it hard to excel being surrounded by people who seem to be determined to bring the company to a grinding halt. Hey guys, the economy will do that without our help, but my days would be a whole lot sweeter if I didn't feel the need to push people down stairs.


Fitness: As I came across the Britomart concourse Magda was sitting at Sierra and I foolishly stopped to chat as she was waiting for a friend. She was meant to be coming to the gym too, but had decided instead to lay on the beanbags in the sun and encouraged me to do the same. I wavered for ten or fifteen minutes... my body felt reasonably broken and beanbags plus sun sounded... well. More pleasant than the gym. I eventually dragged myself away to the gym and got back on the treadmill for a little while. My shins gave out before my foot did, having me jump off with a large amount of concern at the feeling of impact on my lower legs and considering a full body sports massage to reset everything. So I did some cross training and a full set of planks and hip extensions as I had decided the treadmill was out of bounds for the day. Planks are up to one minute twenty. Aiming to push them out to two minutes.

Aikido: No training today, thought about the names of techniques a little bit

Derby: No skating today. Ridiculously, this was a conscious decision as I deliberately left my skates at home. Tomorrow will be much better as my whole team will be here and I can bring my skates in. Yuss! Lunch time roll.

Diet: Really dropped this one today. When work gets stressful this was possibly the worst thing I could have let happen. Tea and biscuits for breakfast. Sushi for lunch. I collected some jaffas from Imports (they have too many jaffas!) chocolate milk after gym. Dinner was interesting, I ate two and a half drumsticks and a bowl of fried rice. Normally either the drumsticks or the rice would have filled me up but possibly due to eating not enough and rubbish during the day (aside from the sushi) has left me ravenous.

Sleep: I got home just after 9pm, so really, an early night for me. Also, I didn't need a shower as I'd had one at the gym, so I had all this free time! The internet was down too, so I snugged up with my dinner and played Dune 2 till around 11pm then went to sleep. No horrible zombie nightmares, just pleasant dreams about being on a world tour with one of my friends. Woke up feeling much more refreshed as I hit 7 hours around 6.30am and my body decided that was enough sleep for today.


Strangely, I normally have a very high level of interpretation of the feedback messages in my body. It's pretty highly strung so if I didn't have a grip on it, I'd probably be in a much more agitated state than usual (I know, it's a scary thought). A few things are stressing me at the moment though and while I still have full awareness of how much sleep my body is after, I've lost touch with my muscle requirements. I find it disconcerting, like someone has blinded my internal circulatory system.

Day Thirteen: It's Been a Day of Tiny Trials

Some days I get the feeling the Universe looks over at me and decides, "You're too happy. Time for some hell to reign down on your positive outlook! Take that!" (then bad things start happening)...

Not pictured: Impending Doom

The worst thing about having predominantly awesome days and lots of awesome stuff happening all over the show is that any day where normalish type irritations and bad times occur they seem so much worse by comparison because the baseline is so high. Several good things were meant to be happening this week and instead the opposite has happened. In the long run the impact is null but right now it's giving me sad face.

Fitness: Rest day from the gym. Some muscles (especially around the shoulder area) are still very tired.

Aikido: Wow, got totally rumbled tonight. By 9 o'clock and 3 hours of being thrown repeatedly onto the tatami mats I just couldn't muster much strength to keep staggering to my feet (stupid, tired quad muscles!) That being said, my primary concern about the grading is that I can't remember the Japanese names for half the things I need to be tested on (sure I can do muna-dori kotegaeshi very well but if I don't know what it's called I'm just going to stand there and look stupid). Plus I'm in a massive funk with Aikido. I'm having issues seeing the proper connections in power - hard to explain, even harder to master. Aikido is passive so you use no power, you only guide - but you have to join and flow with it and being able to read people's internal connectivity is a skill that still ebbs and flows for me. Currently on a pretty bad ebb.

Derby: No skating today. Derby folk posted a video of Fia Fasi Oe and some others skating around downtown... and the sun was shining... and if I'd had my skates I would have been out like a shot. Except then all my other teammates went home for various medical emergencies and I ended up working late like a schmuck.

Diet: Work breakfast/lunch again, plus half a dozen dumplings. It's Chinese New Year, and I have Chinese in my team. They're great. Then two sticks of licorice for snacks, and then chicken and fried rice for dinner. I ate some broccoli and cauliflower waiting for the chicken to cook as well. I don't remember feeling hungry at any time today, although I felt very full after a mammoth sandwich and several dumplings, but for some reason I don't feel like I'm eating enough. I don't know if I'm having confusion or if my muscles are really that demanding that they need more sustenance. I thought they just wanted a nap.

Sleep: Still cutting it too close on the sleep. The fluros here don't help, they trick the body into thinking it's day time and if I forget to switch to incandescents then my body stays awake awake instead of slowing down due to the duller light quality. Seriously - I left the fluros on one night (ages ago) and all of a sudden it was 4am and my body felt fine. The photo receptors have far too much say in our sleep / wake cycle I say. But anyway, it must have been six or six and a quarter hours sleep last night but I could probably use seven tonight. I don't remember wasting too much time when I got home but there you have it - 11.30pm and I still need to shower before sleep (rolls eyes at self).


I really need to reign it in on the sleep. It's actually probably the hardest goal I've set - so many nights 9pm is early to be home by, realistically 9.30 / 10pm and I always need food and a shower when I get in, aside from having not been home since 6.30am that morning. My training schedule isn't even up to full speed yet.... eep!

Day Twelve: Moving Right Along

Lots of things are heading in the right direction today. I think I can see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel at work, got a few tasks out of the way, I should have new shiny wheels this week (for my skates), my foot is slowly getting better, really looking forward to Bitchin' Bingo on Wednesday... and still pretty ecstatic about knowing I am going to have Hockey Stops in my skate tool box within a few more dedicated hours. Then we can add in their cousin "Power Slide" and more work on my rubbish Honey Shuffles.

Challenges in regards to Sleep:
Now, don't get me wrong, I do like to spend time asleep. I just found napping easier than sleeping, and got into a bit of a habit of power napping all over the place (best power nap time = two minutes) So I'd get a patchy three or four hours sleep between roughly 3am and 7am on worknights and I'd catch up on Saturday night / Sunday till 1.30pm, when I would get up to go skating. Saturday is actually the quietest night of the week for me so this normally worked out okay - I was functional, plus my body knew it could sleep on Sundays so it gave me everything before collapsing on Saturday evening. I never bothered going to sleep any earlier than 2am. I made up for it whenever I had those spare two to fifteen minutes at home when I would just hit the pillows for a power nap. I was doing that for four months and really, I wasn't feeling too bad considering. Everyone kept saying I would either go insane or die suddenly which I found much more unpleasant than my self inflicted mild sleep deprivation. I think I would fall asleep before either of those things. I had to admit though that if I wanted the best from my body - I was going to have to keep it fuelled up and a consistent sleep cycle is a huge contributing factor.


Fitness: So. After being told how I wasn't pushing myself hard enough at the gym (despite making improvements) I pushed myself just a little bit harder today. My quads failed at fatigue, in the second to last stage on the bike they blew out basically. The last 1.5km was... well. I added an extra 90 seconds to my time and it was all in the last two steps. After two rest days (okay I went skating on Sunday, but really). Horribly demoralised as that was my first activity I then went and did some planks and other mild core work before then busting my upper body to bits. I didn't venture anywhere near lunges / squats due to my quads failing - but I shook everything out with some side stepping on the treadmills. Tomorrow is another rest day but I'm going to have a think about structuring my work outs to target different muscle groups on different days.

Aikido: No training today. Watched youtube clips again.

Derby: No skating today. Thought about my wheels. And getting my new boots mounted. Custom toe caps. Getting some screen printing. Should probably do these things.

Diet: Work breakfast / lunch, although it was chicken today instead of ham, blueberry snack punnet. Chocolate milk after the gym, and then we had Chinese takeaways for dinner because... it's Chinese New Year. I was actually expecting some authentic Chinese food, but takeaways is... close.

Sleep: Mmm stayed up a bit later last night than I really intended despite what I said. And I'm doing it again tonight. Sigh. I need to be stricter on myself, if I start slipping too much I fear it may be too easy to drop one thing, which may lead to others.


But yes! Chinese New Year, 2012, Year of the Dragon. Considering what I want from 2012, this is very suitable.

Day Eleven: The Runt of the Litter

Wow, this has been one of the quietest weekends for a long time and I almost coasted to a stop. This afternoon I was really feeling a bit run down though... rest is something we need just as much as Go.


Challenge update: Diet!
This is why this can't be TBT, because I bailed on the "clean diet"... but I can elaborate regardless. I have all sorts of other minor issues with food due to a particular illness I had when I was about eight, which is why I don't truck with restrictive diets. Any diet with the word "No" in front of anything I just glaze over, it's not for me. We all know we shouldn't pig out on junk food and crap, but I'm also insanely lazy. When I get hungry, it's never a very strong driving force, and I can (and used to) often ignore it because I couldn't be bothered preparing food or getting up out of bed (my bed doubles as a desk, so I spend an inordinate amount of time on it). Sometimes after training for four hours I'll think, "I shouldn't waste all that by eating maccas for dinner," and the damn roast place shuts at 8.30pm, so I'll come home around 10pm-ish and then be too tired to bother cooking anything most nights. Oh, also there's no snack food here despite the fact I do the shopping. It is always consumed by others before I even get to crack the box on anything. So getting home around 10pm, needing a shower, after 3 - 4 hours of whatevs, (gym/aikido/derby/funsies), haven't been home since 7am... yea. Cooking a healthy and consumable meal for one? Effort plus plus.

Anyway:
Fitness: Rest day from the gym again. Legs still hate me though. I don't think we're ever going to be good friends again. They cry a little inside whenever they see stairs. And there are stairs everywhere.

Aikido: No training, watching the jo suburi on youtube. I can physically do them, I'm actually very good with the jo but I need to remember the names and order for grading.

Derby: Inspired the title. I don't really look to the other freshies to judge my skill level, I only really compare myself to the league girls because that's how I'll excel. This gives me a strong driving force to improve because most of them have been skating at least a year longer than I have (and most of them for quite a bit longer). I find it mildly intimidating being the least skillful but at least I managed to put it into words what my major malfunction was today. I find it very difficult to drive with my left leg, hence I've been doing hockey stops on the right leg only while completely unable to even turn properly with the left. The moment I found out this was a problem nearly everyone had, it was like the fog had been lifted. If everyone faced this problem, and overcame it, well... maybe I could too. So you know what I did? Left hockey stops. I did left hockey stops. One or two of them were even vaguely passable! (More exciting than jumping backwards!) Plus I don't need to counter-swoop into them as much, although I'm still building up the speed at which I will throw them down. I'm actually really excited. Some techniques need to be built to a certain level before I feel confident practicing them ad nauseum to lock them in (otherwise you skate around in circles thinking, "I should do X technique...." and still thinking that ten laps later, just doing crossovers) and I feel I have hockey stops at that level. This was my number one priority "learn this technique" for Derby over these 90 days - Hockey Stop Right, Hockey Stop Left. On my way, baby! I'm gonna be able to throw on the brakes at full force to match my speed! Just so excited. Now all I need is a public session and some "me time" on the rink.

Diet: Yarr, weetbix and tea for breakfast. Some sort of bumperbar, chocolate milk and a sausage for lunch, more tea, then reward salmon and avocado for dinner, strawberry yoghurt and blueberries for desert. I'm aware it was another very poorly constructed day for food stuffs but I was only hungry after skating and I am really, really struggling to be driven enough to eat what I should ideally consume on rest days to help rebuild my system. C'mon body, snacks not naps!

Sleep: So, yes, I did end up playing Dune 2 last night until some stupid hour of the morning (it's always just one more level!) so I only got about 6 hours sleep last night. I was going to go to sleep sometime around 11 tonight though so that easily gives me 8 hours which is the maximum my body will put up with in a single go. it'll also recalibrate me back to 6am wake-up, awfully convenient. Here's hoping the trains are running approximately on time tomorrow.


Eep. I know it's only day eleven and this weekend I've been a bit lax - but I can't even remember the last time I had some proper downtime that I wasn't just cracking my teeth to get everything done. Plus it's mightily harder for me to maintain over the weekends because I do love a bit of structure to help support my goals and weekends severely lack that. Self Improvement kick or no, I think I needed the space. Back into it tomorrow with a vengeance.

Day Ten: Successes and Failures

Ah... I think there's meant to be lee-way for a 'cheat' day once a week when you're allowed to break the rules? That kind of happened today but I feel kind of crap about it because it wasn't really planned... had a great day doing other things and as I fully admitted, just because I want to achieve my goals doesn't mean I want to leave the rest of my life for dust. So I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Damn, if you ever get the chance to see the Hurly Burly Girls perform though, do it. Freaken amazing.

It's late though, so I'll update my 'challenge' list tomorrow. Goals as below, (easy because I did sweet f' a' today in regards to them)

Fitness: Rest day from the gym. Stairs are not my friends. Have been told I'm not training hard enough the way I do weight training, (you train like a girl!) so might need to revise how much I'm lifting...

Aikido: No class today.

Derby: No skates today.

Diet: Late breakfast of eggs collided with lunch, wonton soup with noodles. Cup of tea. Most of a bag of crisps and precooked sausages for dinner. Absolute, utter failure. I kind of need to go shopping. There's only eggs and vegetables in the fridge.

Sleep: Roughly eight hours last night, felt like napping during the day but avoided it as I was sure it'd just make me feel worse in the long run. 1.30am now, feeling alright about things. Will try and go to sleep instead of busting out some Dune 2 old school RTS... argh. I shouldn't have mentioned it. Now it's all I want to do.

I can't feel too terrible. I WOF'd and washed the car, several loads of washing, spent a lot of time transferring polystyrene balls from one beanbag to another, had lunch with friends and then saw the most kickass burlesque show I have ever had the pleasure of seeing with some other friends. Sometimes you just have to live life as it comes.

Day Nine: Re-Energised and Roaring

Heh, work still bites, but I'm still a little high with delight about seeing Kami unexpectedly last night. Plus I took some hard steps I've been putting off at work that should actually make things easier. Letting things go has never been a strong point... delegation? I'm not familiar with that word. (But outsourcing? yes...) And then, Mount Wellington Skateland new floor celebrational derby skate times! Second largest group of Derby folk I've seen at a public skate session.

Challenges update:
Surely Derby isn't a challenge? Seems I have brain worms when it comes to skating...?
Yes, I'm running a Derby Fever of 40 degrees so I'm all over skating whenever I get the chance, especially excited that going forward I will be able to skate for longer periods of time without issue as my feet were the first things to get me off the rink. My struggle with at Derby is that what I want to do and what I'm capable of are still wildly disparate. I've only been skating since July but I've set some high standards and feel the need to push myself to improve - it's so easy and tempting once out on the rink to just do what I'm good at and gloss over the harder techniques, or even at public skates to take the time to socialise more than practice. It weirdly cycles between pushing myself far too hard and other times standing back and letting it all just happen around me. There are other challenges with Derby as well, but more the social aspects which I needn't cover here. The fact I have no social skills isn't something I've listed to improve. I've made my peace with that. Also, thankfully, very few seem to have noticed.

Fitness: Core work, more core work, some leg presses, core work. I have become driven to be able to do one minute planks with ease, and two minute planks for a challenge. Might as well drive myself into the grounds on the days before I schedule a rest... which is great because I was standing in the shower for about 20 minutes before I realised... I was just standing there. My body was pleasantly shattered.

Aikido: No training today. Feeling better about it. Planning some jo work for the weekend.

Derby: Mount Wellington Skateland new floor - that's what I like. A little bit of hockey stops and a lot of guidance, bit of socialising and learning interesting new things that will be useful. Tonight was really about just having fun and a bit of a laugh, so aside from the occasional single foot leap and throwing myself into a bit of backwards jumping (it's all about the psychological intimidation!) it was mainly just trying to stay upright after destroying my legs at the gym. Really, I had a fantastic time. Just need to work on my limbo skills...

Diet: Jenny at work comes by my desk a lot. Before I started this blog she rightly pointed out my desk is covered in junk-food, candy, biscuits and tea mugs (I used them to build porcelain ziggurats) and was irritated I am my size whilst consuming plainly just junk all day, and consistently all day. She saw me in the break-room today making a sandwich, snacking on blueberries and asked if I had gone all healthy, to which I explained what I was doing. She leaned over my sandwich... "That doesn't just look healthy.... that looks tasty." Hells yes, my belief about diets is you should want to eat the food you're meant to //cough// which is why this isn't TBT any longer. Healthy food can be delicious and appetising, it just takes a bit more effort and time than I was putting in. Today was a complete disaster other than lunch and dinner though, toast with peanut butter thick enough to drown babies, some cake to celebrate a new meeting area we built at work (which I didn't finish) and three chocolate biscuits. Then healthy lunch sandwich and repeat of last nights dinner. Thank jebus I don't get meal fatigue (so I can eat the same thing all the time and be fine with it)

Sleep: I think I'm going to have to find a fan - woke up this morning and just did not want to get up, and not the normal, "I've had enough sleep and I'm being a bitch," but rather, "edfsfjkg.... adskl." kinda of not wanting to get up. Spending 20 minutes at the train station waiting for delayed trains was like delicious salt in the wounds. Anyway, I'll be asleep by midnight tonight - it's Friday and as much as I have plans for Saturday I can just let myself wake up when I wake up. Finding maintaining a sleep cycle over the weekend to be annoyingly useful.


Wow. One thing I've noticed? It's just gone day nine. And my body is 150% on board with this TB... ah, self improvement kick. Those chocolate biscuits, cake and icing I ate over the last little while? Either not enjoyable or made me feel sick. If I skimp on the sleep my body bites back gently, and will kick my arse something terrible when I over sleep. I know I'm training a lot as well but my body just keeps on giving, even when I know my muscles are fatigued (still figuring out "rest" time for muscle groups). I'm sure if I packed it all in I could adjust back to how things used to be, but right now, driving towards my goals is what makes me feel best. Today, I felt strong. Really strong. And not just physically.

Day Eight: Frustrations and Annoyances

I am so annoyed with everything at work at the moment. I could use twice the number of people in my team and some more structure. Instead, we're being snowed under and left for dead. I took this role because it's easier to shine in a disaster zone rather than when nothing's wrong, but this week has been the worst. I just need hugs and support right now. I renewed my licence (six months over due) and got a hair cut (six weeks over due) trying to get back to my happy place by being responsible. It probably wouldn't be half so depressing if everything else in my life wasn't kicking so much ass in comparison.

Challenge update:
What's the challenge with Aikido?
I've been going for 18 months now and coming up to my third (yonkyu) grading. I love the structure and tradition of martial arts, but it's a life long road and sometimes maintaining a high level of enthusiasm is difficult depending on what is going on in your life. I returned to achieve my dan grade as I left karate just before then (I really felt too young and irresponsible for it back in the day, and I sure didn't want to get roped into teaching the kids class). Part of it is the skill level, but for me the rank holds so much more now. I want that responsibility, I want to demonstrate that maturity and dedication that is indicative of the title. But I still have two or three years minimum to go - it is a lot of time and work and since Derby fell in my lap it's like having to water the house plants when someone's just given you a puppy. All I kinda want to do is play with the puppy but it's poor form to let the house plants die.

Segue back to Day Eight

Fitness: Rest day from the gym, primarily due to time constraints.

Aikido: Can only attend the Beginners class on Thursdays. Little bit sad as we had been doing Fundamentals which I found I was getting more out of. But! I think it's good because Sensei uses me to teach, demo and guide the beginners. He can hear and see me teaching some of the more basic movements. He approved of the direction I took today, and it will be a contributing factor to my progression through the ranks. So not the personal skill training I would have preferred, but still a definite move forward.

Derby: Finally! Wheels down. Sunday feels like it was a million years ago. And who would you believe.... Kami! again, ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh. Trying to be restrained but it was hard not to do a little dance. Mostly limited by the fact that I only have a set number of moves I can do on skates. We did all sorts of awesome fun stuff and I think someone may have broken my nose. But talk about 'not knowing what you don't know'. Like jumping while skating backwards. It was so great to do that and then have Kami roll up with a big grin on her face, "I've never done that before, just seemed like it would be something cool to do." I loved seeing someone like her beaming over a new trick. To be at that level and to still be like a cat who got the milk after doing something new and different. Awesome.

Diet: With work as depressing as it currently is, eating well during the day gets harder because frankly, sitting at my desk and drinking tea and eating biscuits is very relaxing and non-demanding. I set my mind like a stone though, and ate breakfast (weetbix, banana) mammoth sandwich, a few cups of tea and  a timtam snuck in there, primarily due to me being ultimately work bummed and it wasn't so much because I wanted a chocolate biscuit, just because I wanted to try and do something nice for myself. Honestly, I didn't even enjoy it as much as I had hoped. Amazingly though, after coming home from training I stopped off at the supermarket and bought two bags of vegetables and managed to cook up a wee tasty feast of chicken breast and greenery. I was so darn proud of myself. High five! But seriously, most people know how much it sucks cooking for one (feeding the cat a slither of chicken doesn't count)   let alone having to stop for meal ingredients before coming home after three hours of training to cook.

Sleep: It's gonna be a close one tonight! I slept poorly last night, I didn't wake up but I felt unrested when I woke in the morning. I have a concern this room is actually too hot for conducive sleep which may be why previously my sleep has been so rubbish here (aside from the 2/3am bedtimes and 7am starts) I'm going to open the interior windows (it's a mezzanine) and see if that helps, otherwise I'll need to track down a fan or similar.

But yea. I had almost forgotten how much work sucked today because getting to train again with Kamikaze Kitten was just awesome-balls with a side of amaze-sauce. I had been concerned about not pushing my limits enough with Derby but with this sort of training I can't help but give everything to every drill. Like I mentioned... jump... going ... backwards? If you'd said that to me earlier today I would have laughed, "No way, I'm ages away from that." but apparently not. Sadly though, both her and the Rose City Girls (Mel and Scratcher) are back off home tonight/tomorrow. Looking forward to the next round of boot camps.

Day Seven: Into The Abyss and Beyond

The most important thing I did today was watch the extended three hour version of Dune. I thought it was awesome even if my family didn't, and shame on them anyway, as it was their idea. I was concerned about getting to bed on time after watching a three hour movie, and look, fail.
Two things: I felt like this was getting real dry, real quick, and remembered the best form of entertainment is self-depreciating. So there'll be more of that. Also that I wasn't sure it was obvious how much of a 'challenge' some of the goals are. Let's combine the two. It would be far too insanely long to list the challenges of each goal set so once a day for the next five days I'll try and explain why the goals do push me, rather than this is just me strolling through life, tra la la, yes I'm just this fantastic. Sadly - not the case. Being awesome takes hard work and dedication people! Honestly.

Why is Fitness challenging?
I hate running. So you can imagine my utter joy when watching Derby videos, I was struck by something that had me leap up and yell "All the best jammers are sprinters! Are you seeing this? (howls of emotional pain)". Going out, buying running shoes and repeatedly jumping onto a treadmill... not something I ever thought I'd see myself doing. In fact, even after that realisation all I did was bitch for three weeks. Then there's the gym. I've always done sports, so I have an underlying strength and competency when it comes to most things physical (ladies, wink) and the nice thing about sport is that it's a limited amount of thinking while you're pushing your body to achieve something, like moving the ball over there. But I have to make all those decisions myself in a gym. I'm a woman, so unfortunately 'Making Decisions' is not something that comes naturally, and on top of that I'm actually horrifically lazy when I'm not being overtly competitive. I know it doesn't show but if you've ever seen me on a couch or the floor I think it's obvious I know how to stop moving when I want to. Even in the gym I'll do things like push harder and faster through an exercise simply to finish it sooner, so I can go back to doing nothing, which is why I do distance interval training (a minute off my time? Damn, I must have been feeling lazy that day!) and why I prefer weight training to cardio (fewer reps? As long as I lift a higher weight? Oh hell yes, load me up)

So you know, I have to contend with mental barriers and all that jazz.

Fitness: Because of my previous social obligation to my familial units I had to be in Ellerslie by 6pm. So I decided leaving the gym at 5.30pm would facilitate that, deliberately ignoring the whole "down town to Ellerslie in rush hour traffic" may in fact be a bit longer than 30 minutes, as I figured 60 minutes at the gym was short enough when it needs to include changing/shower. Very little pain from my swiss cheese foot today, must have been from having bound my foot tighter than a Chinese princess. I was still edgy and avoided the treadmill so as not to aggravate it regardless. I'm beginning to miss using the slow intervals to hustle the treadmills (sidestepping while leaning against the hand bar - a Derby thing I find useful for working on wall-breaking technique and keeping my arms out of the way). And then in a fit of rage I signed up for Round the Bays. Even I'm still a bit unsure of the mental process that lead to that.

Aikido: No training today. Beginning to think last nights failures were predominantly from over thinking and poor hip / foot placement. "Good enough" will earn me a pass but certainly not something I would be happy with. Must focus harder. That might mean youtubing technique videos at work.

Derby: Skating tomorrow. Looking at the weather I could have gone skating at lunch time but with all the excitement of moving it would take half the lunch break to go get my gear, get kitted up and take it off afterwards. Also have lots of excitement to look forward to this Friday - Mt Wellington Skateland have resurfaced their floor over the festive break! In the words of my idol Rainbow Dash when faced with extreme excitement, ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!

Diet: We get biscuits from Wednesday through Friday and this morning there were timtams and chocolate fingers in the breakroom. Normally, a handful of each and a several cups of tea would be breakfast (mm, feel the nutrition) but instead I just had my weetbix and banana. Victory in will power there, seriously. Timtams. I used to fluff about in the breakroom until I was alone and fill a mug with them to take back to my desk. Lunch was excessively late, partly due to my levels of self angry and inability to get done what I needed to. Still managed a mammoth health sandwich (the ingredients of which are delicious fancy bread, fancy cheese, fancy deli meats, avocado, cucumber, twenty times the amount of hummus pita pit would have used, red onion and love - plus it's massive). Some people may argue the various health points of the sandwich but frankly when you're training up to 30 hours a week all your body cares about is fuel, nowecause I figure I only need caffeine in tea form. Fruit salad for dessert. Bonus. Have noted that I've been dehydrated since Sunday. I'll need to drink a couple of litres of water tomorrow.

Sleep: Late again tonight, but I need to explain 11pm is a target, and up to 12am is probably acceptable for when things like "moving" and "familial obligation" happen. Tomorrow is going to be fun though, 9pm finish at Massey and I need to get home, shower, cook, and hopefully find three minutes to put my stuff away and sort things out (as I just moved back home tonight). All before 11pm if I can manage it.

Damn, it's hot here. Like "no more blankets required" hot. I hope that doesn't mess with my sleep...

Day Six: Codeine Is Not For Tasting

Blergh, I got two tabs of codeine stuck on my tongue after I foolishly tried to swallow them the way the masses do, (place in mouth, drink water, let pills get caught in flow) rather than my usual way (open mouth, throw pills down throat, swallow) Firstly they taste disgusting and secondly they have done nothing for my pain today. So, I'm kinda grumpy. And as I write this there is a cold breeze coming from somewhere, but I can't find identify which air-vent //eye twitch//

Fitness: I didn't go to the gym at lunch but I wandered around town. This doesn't really count as exercise but I was hurting a lot and am struggling to find a pair of bike shorts I like, at least I wasn't sitting at my desk collecting dust.

Aikido: Double rainbow! I mean, double training. Was actually a reasonably heartbreaking two and a half hours, it was one of those nights where just nothing seemed to work. Lucy and I were butchering morotedori kokyuho (a technique we have both previously been proficient at) but couldn't stop over thinking it and failing at it. I'm at least convinced that on a 'good' day it's adequate for passing our next test, and there are other techniques I need to get a better grip on...

Derby: No skating. Friends posted on FB on how they were going skating at Glenfield. Tried to be happy for them. Instead just thought jealous thoughts. Didn't help my mood. Thursday is so far away!

Diet: Took a hard line with myself and ate some breakfast, (weetbix w/ banana, standard) snacks consisting of tea, cashews, and literally one snax (I needed a cracker quick to cleanse my palate after the horrible codeine incident) another monster health sandwich for lunch and a stick of licorice. Licorice isn't healthy, I'm vaguely aware of that, but I also selfishly don't want to give it away even though I'm not really enjoying it. I'll see about giving it away tomorrow. Hopefully to someone who will be confused by it. Ah, and Burger Wisconsin for dinner, Chicken, Camembert and Cranberry... having gone over the "clean diet" rules more I'm just going to abandon all pre-tense this is TBT any longer because I won't keep to the diet, it's obviously just my version of self improvement. I don't respond well to food rules (does anyone?), I have too much psychological damage to pretend otherwise.

Sleep: Little late to bed last night but had some spare sleep coin in my back pocket. Had a lot of packing to do tonight as well as it's the last night of Castor Bay - so that kinda counts like exercise? I should have been able to finish packing on time (11pm) but the wife could tell I was agitated from my FB posts and so I got a hug and some talk time. I did manage a 20 minute power kip earlier in the back of my MPV - holy crap, it's amazingly comfy in the back of that thing. So snuggly, and I don't even have a mattress in there!

And now it's time to hold on tight, as I return home and back on my lonesome, can I continue the good works...?

Day Five: Self Motivation and Routine

It's been good being away from home - I've fallen into a supportive routine that I'm suddenly very aware is about to be pulled out from under my feet. I can only hope that the last couple of weeks have set me up to continue on my own unaided.

Details: I've been staying on the Shore with my Derby wife and we've been living in each other's pocket for a month. What a whirl-wind honeymoon it has been but now it's almost time to go back home (Wednesday) as she's jetting off into the wild blue yonder and I will need to maintain my sleep and diet on my own effort, plus keep up my attendance at the gym without a training buddy. Actually I'm only concerned about the sleep and diet aspects, I've already lined up people to replace her at the gym.

Fitness: Treadmill is still out of the question so I busted a move on the exer-bike. Immediately my quads started to bitch loudly but after three minutes quietened down as they realised I was going to ignore them. Somehow my muscles burnt a lot more than last time on the same interval setting but I did knock a minute off the time. Then the leg press. I like to use this as a completely nonsensical way of judging my speed on the rink. It's great at the moment because my right is far more dominant and although it's stopped bleeding, I can't put undue pressure on it so I've been concentrating on my left. While I can lift more and at higher reps than last week, I do wonder how consistent the improvement will be over the next couple of months. I'm also working out my hamstrings to their point of failure because of something Kamikaze said, quite logically, about muscle balance. I'll need them to stop my quads causing undue damage by being significantly more powerful than all the other muscles and tendons around them.

Aikdio: No training today. Thought about it a bit though. Dual training tomorrow (two and a half hours). Fortunately it's 'jo month' which is great, because I need that.

Derby: Headed to the Victoria Park Skatepark to check it out in the daylight hours. Was overly intimidated by all the young bucks on their BMXs and it was actually quite crowded. Definitely think going in the dead of night is the best bet. I also wasn't entirely sure if my legs were going to keep me upright for long if I was going to be doing a lot of jumps after the fun times I'd put them through at the gym.

Diet: I thought about breakfast a lot this morning and still failed to eat anything substantial. I'm not sure an entire punnet of blueberries counts but it was followed by tea and biscuits. After two rest days and sitting at my desk my body kinda refuses to pre-load for training, it assumes there's going to be more lazing around. Sushi for lunch - apparently I have lost any tolerance at all for wasabi. Of course I chose to eat my sushi in public and then ended up crying as I tried to pretend the wasabi wasn't cleaning my sinuses with a rake. I can't have any sympathy, I didn't clean the wasabi off the rest of the sushi and kept crying the whole time. Like an idiot. But we had delicious steak with salad for dinner (thanks to the wife, but she was home all day, I hate to say it but that means she should cook dinner). It made me a little sad that from Thursday onwards I have to cook for myself again. I have no idea what to do. Mostly because I'm refusing to think about it just now.

Sleep: Seeing as my body refused to sleep any more than 8 hours at a stretch I'm confident I have it coined at 11pm sleep time and 7am-ish wakeup. Powered through today after waking up at 6am. Little late this evening but after a full quotient last night I'm still good to roll which is why I don't like getting a full 8 hours, I find it very difficult to get to sleep the next night. 6-7 is much better, it means by bed time I start to feel a little bit like having a nap. Regardless, it's getting close to nap time.


Man, that all ended up being a bit tl;dr today. It's just been one of those days though. Everything just felt a little bit boring - and unfortunately I only have myself to blame. At least it's over now, and hopefully tomorrow will bring with it some more excitement.

Day Four: When Life Gives You Lemons, You Clone Those Lemons and Make Super Lemons

Sunday has been a bit of success and a bit of a disaster - I believe everyone should have 'their' day where it's all about them and Sunday is this day for me. I try to only do what I want to do on Sundays, for my own mental sanity to let myself know I'm still the most important person in my life. 

Fitness: Today was another rest day from the gym. We were going to go in this afternoon before the ARDL  movie night but my wife was very blunt about the fact we weren't going anywhere. Yes, I could have gone in by myself but I'd also given my word I would help her with a cake we were making so I ended up having a nap, playing Wii and finishing a 16-bearing cleaning kit. I was feeling a bit off colour so the thought of roaring the blood around my system didn't sound very "Sunday" to me.

Aikido: No training on Sundays. I will look at adding in personal weapons drills on Sat / Sun to prepare for my next grading. Must learn at least the first ten jo suburi (translation: staff movements)  

Derby: My foot held up remarkably well today, after several painkillers and a little bit of prancing around I felt like I could have skated all day without pain (exciting!). I enjoyed training but it was a bit frustrating as I did the Kamikaze Kitten boot camp the weekend before which had pushed all my limits, both technically and physically and the Rose City beginners course was much more entry level. I can't complain though, the painkillers would have worn off eventually and I probably would have been clawing to get off the track. The drill work with the other freshies also helps me become accustomed to their skate styles, and where I can help if possible. That's the nice thing about Derby - you want to see everyone exceed their own expectations and to improve, not just yourself. 

Diet: Reasonably amount of fail on the diet side of things. Muesli bars for breakfast, then I had some chocolate milk and an awesome (healthish) sandwich for lunch then things sort of crashed downhill in a fit of laziness and cream-cheese icing. I developed a bad headache later that evening and while I'm prone to headaches I feel that if I had steered more towards a litre of water things might have ended differently. But then, I'm demanding a lot of "It's Go Time!" from my body so maybe the occasional body fail is acceptable. 

Sleep: cheaped a bit on the Sat-Sun time and had a 40 minute powernap Sunday afternoon to try and mitigate that I felt tired (as the wife said, "Go and have a bloody nap if you want! You're an adult!") Then I would have slept from approximately 10-10.30pm to 6am. Wide awake at 6am. That's the kind of person I've become. Trying really hard to be happy about that... a positive outlook will make becoming a 'morning person' more palatable. 

On a side note I can't help but feel that when focusing on my own internal improvement and development it's hard to not have it leak into all the other facets of life (like an overflow of awesome!) which is in and of itself highly motivating. Derby has helped kick start a strong desire in myself to see others achieve, as being surrounded by successful and driven people has a positive feedback effect that will see others want to be more than they are and putting the effort in. Also I've decided that when people have a highly positive impact on others that they deserve public acknowledgement for being awesome - and you know what? It should be the standard in society - it feels great to tell people they're awesome and it feels even more amazing to be told, especially as some people don't realise that by just being themselves that they are a shining inspiration to those around them. I've found most people whisper on the sidelines to each other and agree, "Oh, this-person has been very helpful," or "I appreciate the time whats-her-face puts in to activity-x!" but it's not common to even just say more than just a standard 'thank you' - we need to raise the bar people. Good behaviour/attitude and inspirational/motivating peoples who stand out and have a positive impact need to be celebrated. 

 

Day Three: Dedications and Heart

Disclaimer: I may have wandered away from the TBT format and made it my own. I must have been a bit tl;dr about the TBT and glossed over the main points as I got over excited about the personal process improvement, but in doing so I have garnered some positive feedback so I'm a gonna roll with it for a while. Anyway. It's cartoon reference time!

I learnt a very important lesson about Heart today. Like most kids from the 80s I firmly believed that that poor kid in Captain Planet got really jibbed with "Heart" as a super power. I can't remember him doing anything useful other than being a fifth wheel and helping assemble Captain Planet. Seriously. Pretty bloody useless.

The lesson I learnt was how Heart manifests itself in our Dedication and Commitments. I use capital letters not to piss off my grammar nazi friends but to emphasise a meaning. One of my goals for Aikido was "attendance" and it was honoured today with an acknowledgement and a story. Summary: The people who turn up to class and learn the forms but never attend the important calendar events demonstrate form and competency. They are capable. But people who engage, socialise, come to and contribute to the events and external goings-on also move with Heart. There is a greater connection between their selves and the actions they perform.

It's not just about how fast you can move, how much you can lift, or any of that. They are the tools that I will hone, but it is the Heart that binds them and brings them together in a way that is recognisable and respectable. It's why we root for the underdog. They might not be the strongest or the most adept, it's because they fight the hardest, because they care the most. We want them to win, because they show Heart.

Segue back to reality:

Fitness: Rest day from the gym. Did I have two of these? It feels like forever since I was last there.

Aikido: Yes and yes. Demonstration a success, managed to not bleed on the tatami, became a leader (after remembering I was in charge of my grade) bonded with black belts, enjoyed delicious yum cha. Awesome success. Added much Heart to my life.

Derby: Learnt two new skills for Derby today, and learnt that throwing down a ridiculous number of tomahawk stops will require more painkillers at this stage. Relatively tame training session but not unexpected, also hard to compare to previous boot camp. Reminder to self: always check toestops before training.

Diet: Today was a day of many celebrations, and I ate significantly more sago, coconut and tofu than usual. Victory that I was able to eat entire prawns as well because their crunchy shells are great for joint lubrication (I actually eat almost anything that's put in front of me and if I know the added benefits I'm more likely to consume them). Like the parsley, I can't remember what vitamin K is for, but ate a sprig of that for good measure. Also, learnt that vegan cupcakes are mighty delicious. Ate some bland, horrifyingly disappointing crisps as well. Feel remarkably good about that as I won't feel compelled to eat crisps next time they're left in front of me. Several other things like asparagus and courgettes (and holy merciful jebus, I hate courgettes) but I'm an adult and eating vegetables is The Right Thing To Do.

Sleep: 30mins behind on the sleep aspect but on track for 6.5 hours. Still a huge step up from four and from the middle of next week I should be able to push back my start time in the morning to bring it up to seven, giving me a comfy buffer. I'm not sure if I mentioned previously but I'm obviously not someone who needs 8 hours.


With that I need to bust a move and rotate my wheels for tomorrow. Maybe then I can throw down some "Hockey Stop Left" without breaking an ankle on the varnish-free sport court.

Day Two: Dr. Jones, Jones, calling Dr. Jones

Really, I feel like I have been spending too much time at the doctors this week, but my derby wife works at my health insurance company and has rightly pointed out that doing things like foot surgery ($40) and checking my random chest pain isn't indicative of imminent death ($28) are not something I should put off for any reason. Otherwise I'd still be hobbling around, mildly concerned that I was going to have a heart attack if I imbibe 2mg of caffeine more than my daily tolerance (which is shockingly low anyway) and being generally neurotic. Enough about my life. TBT time!

Fitness: My foot is still kinda bleedy (my shiny new running shoes, not so shiny no more...) so I was lame (haha, literally!) and just did some bike stuff, leg presses, weighted squats and generally slacked around as in retrospect I should have taken some painkillers an hour before getting there. I need to book a PT and get a training schedule together once I'm back up to full speed (i.e. can put weight on my right foot).

Aikido: No training on Fridays.

Derby: No skating today. Have pain killers handy for Rose City beginners on Saturday/Sunday if necessary.

Diet: Victory today, actually had weetbix w/ banana rather than a cup of tea for breakfast and only three biscuits for snacks instead of thirty. Renkon for lunch, teriyaki chicken. Sadly disappointing as I normally loves Renkon. Cupcakes and chocolate milk for gym recovery food (probably not too disparate from the standard muesli bars and chocolate milk). Dinner consisting of left over chicken w/ some sort of vegetables. It might not sound like much but seriously, three 'proper' meals a day is a huge improvement.

Sleep: I had something close to 6.5 hours sleep last night, although woke up rather violently several times for unknown reasons. Went to bed slightly later than ideal (around 11.30pm) but felt justified as I had yesterday off and spent many hours napping.  Definitely hitting the sack before 11pm tonight, as I probably need to head out around 7.10am tomorrow. I really consider myself a night person so all this early to bed, early to rise helping me achieve my goals is incredibly irritating. But kinda in a good way. As long as I don't think about it too hard.

Feel better about things. Nothing like getting a clean bill of health and my foot seems to be healing well... it's stopped hurting at least so I can attribute that to ignoring the doctors advice about avoiding impact to the area. I figure activity stimulates blood flow which is much better for healing than laying around on the couch. Also the couch is covered in dog fur so all that ends up happening is I smell like German Shepard. I hear that attracts the wrong kind of woman.

Day One: How beautiful it is to do nothing, and then to rest afterwards

I may have mentioned something about getting surgery on my foot and assuming I would bleed everywhere. You can imagine my disappointment when this turned out to be the case - plus a mixture of leaving my car keys in town when my car was on the Shore and the anesthetic having fully worn off meant that going to work seemed like too much of a challenge. Good thing TBT has nothing to do with work....

Fitness: Today has been a rest day from the gym

Aikido: I meant to participate in both the Fundamentals and Advanced classes this evening but protocol dictates it's rude to knowingly bleed on the tatami. Instead I went and watched, as Senesi says this is still meaningful as observing the techniques can be very helpful. Sempai Alicia also gave me the Cheng Hsin Winter news letter, many things in it I quite enjoyed (especially the bits about Consciousness, Awareness, Integrity and Motivation), the below was quite poignant.

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.

Kinda like a public blog about self transformation...?  Aside from that I have my Kagami Biraki for Aikido on Saturday and it's important I attend and contribute. Fortunately my grade have chosen jo work so I was able to use the jo to hobble about the dojo and we went through our demo. Simply attending our important calander dates is part of my dedication to Aikido and fortunately even being physically incapacitated I can still maintain my attendance.

Derby: No skating today. Also, the reason I got the surgery on my foot was so my skates would stop killing my feet and I could put more rink hours in without increasing pain issues.

Diet: I was kinda napping from 6.30am till 3pm due to feeling like utter crap and varying levels of pain and itchiness that kept me effectively hobbled so I've only had cake and dinner today. I wanted to eat better to assist healing (like how I ate six meals a day after my bike accident, I recovered pretty quick) but utter fail on that account. I rightly feel bad about this because it will have compromised my 'rest day' from the gym and not helped my recovery at all.

Sleep: Napping all day is not ideal but considering the situation I don't feel like I've missed out, but neither do I feel like I achieved what I wanted. Over sleeping left me lethargic (or it might have been the surgery) but I think if I had kept myself awake and busy from 10am today might have played out better. And now it's past 11pm - I should have gone to bed 20 minutes ago...

So not the roaring success I had hoped to start off with but I am physically compromised at the moment. I was getting agitated thinking about the TBT but not actioning it - and part of successfully achieving my goals will be incorporating times such as these where I can't push all the boundaries at once.

TBT - Resolutions are the worst

Resolutions.

It's like the western world needs a kick in the pants once a year. I'm not fond of this concept, I believe in constant self improvement without the need for inconsequential reminders like "it's another year" but this current renewal of self-improvement just happened to coincide closely to New Years. Just a coincident, I can assure everyone. Then I started to leak blood profusely from one of my feet so that sort of delayed my start. I'm getting that sorted before I technically start because I didn't want the first week of my TBT to be, "Hobbled to gym. Time for 2.5km interval run = was kicked out at 25 minutes for bleeding on the machines. Also ruined new running shoes."

What TBT stands for is "Total Body Transformation" but not having an issue with aesthetics I have always focused on skill development / honing instead, but the TBT is for everyone and the goals are whatever you want them to be. It was a systematic way of putting into words what I meant by "become more awesome"

I also like the idea of a public blog - you get to annoy everyone but also, if you put it out there and people can see it... well. You kinda have to do it then. Because they'll ask about it and you don't want to seem like a lazy, useless pile of excuses when all you have to say is, "But I was watching Ponies!" I'm even slightly suspicious that being temporarily hobbled is an 'excuse' rather than a valid reason for easing up on training (nothing was going to make me pass up 4 hours with Kamikaze Kitten unless I was rendered completely immobile but the pain killers certainly made it easier)

I have to complete my goal setting for A: physical fitness, B: Aikido, C: Derby, D: Diet and E: Sleep. Then come up with ways of tracking performance in a meaningful way.

Physical Fitness: I make up for my lack of fitness by being strong and having a very short recovery time - but I need that fitness in my back pocket for sprints. Plus I need to learn how to manage rest days so I'm not constantly fatigued.

Aikido: Attendance and two gradings this year. It has to happen. Even if it means getting up on Saturday mornings. At 7am.

Derby: Faster, stronger, more agile. Oh, and stopping. Lots of stopping.

Diet: 10pm home time is no excuse for maccas or skipping meals, especially after four hours of training.

Sleep: Admit to self that with increased physical outlay I may need to increase my sleep from four to six/seven hours a night.

I see people make excuses for why they haven't done stuff, the most common is "I just don't have the time," and we all know when this is just patently untrue. If something is important to you, and you actually, truly want it... there is always time. It can be hard stepping back from your life, prioritising all the parts and fitting them back together again, yet it's well worth it. I spent almost two weeks agonising over possibly having to give up Aikido - but as you can see I expect to grade twice this year. How did I suddenly find the time?

I didn't. It was always there, but I was in the mindset of thinking that it was all too much, and that I couldn't possibly fit everything in... Well, screw that for a bad joke. You know what? I can fit everything in, and I can have it all. This blog is for documenting how I reach out and grabbing life by the cojones, and to limit the excuses for when I don't attend/achieve what I had expected and demanded of myself. I've come a long, long way in the last 16 months but I feel I've only just gotten far enough along now to recognise my full potential, and if I don't exploit it, no one else is going to do it for me.

This is my time. I'm gonna become significantly more awesome or destroy myself trying. Heh - once I'm all patched up by the doctor I will be into this with the ferocity of a scurry of rabid chipmunks.