Day Thirty Four: Mindsets and Outlooks

Today, I feel like I can do anything. I feel like if I set my mind to a thing, and drill it, I will have it. I also have an understanding that I'm not a special snowflake in this way - it works for anyone. If you want a thing, you can work towards it and have it (as long as you're being realistic, I'd love to be able to defy gravity but not a lot of point dedicating my time and energy to that).

Not going to end well, regardless of how hard I concentrate

That being said you'd think I would be in a pretty upbeat mood, but no. I'm just frustrated with my inability to drag everyone along with me at the moment. I've read a lot of articles and spoken to a lot of people about similar fundamental issues lately. The only problem is, and the core issue of what I find frustrating, is that people point to their goals off in the distance. But even as they point at their goals, they focus on what's right in front of them (often, their failures or disappointments they haven't already achieved their goals). So often we maintain our status quo because we don't keep our eyes on the prize. Look at what you want, don't look away until it's in your hands, and drive.

Truth be told most people seem to be coping alright with this issue, but the reason it's pissing me off in people around me at the moment is because it's something I struggle with too. It's always our own faults that we find the most reprehensible when we see them in others.

Not their fault - just a bit of mental backwash and relearning my social skills after attempting to fight with people for over nine days straight.

Right. Rant over.



Fitness: Didn't have time to branch out and do anything constructive today. 7am till 12am day - that's whoa to go covered right there.

Aikido: Tuesdays have really taken off for me. I can attend both trainings, both the Beginner and the regular class. Trying to focus on remaining relaxed and incorporating my newly enlightened skill set into training. Actually had an awesome time, having fallen out of some of the Japanese dogma. Managed some quite successful throws without using my arms and I can "see" so much more. The connections, my intent, it's all good. Sensei Alan said the Cheng Hsin workshop would be very useful, and it has been. Big smiles all round, feeling really good about Aikido at the moment.

Derby: As mentioned my brain is a little shot but I think this is the best time to learn strategy, as long as you don't forget it instantly. If you can do it dog tired, you can do it when you're spritely (but no guarantee you can bust it out in the other direction...) my legs refused to play Stop/Start/Dance Sideways - my right foot tendons are still very, very angry with me. But really, everything came together nicely. Not amazing, not fantastic, but it's time to get stuck in and learn the guts of what I'm trying to achieve in this mad sport. Not every training came be glitter and sparkles, plus coming off the back of two and a half hours in the dojo doesn't do me many favours.

Diet: Weetbix and banana for breakfast, tea, some more tea, a fun size moro bar, rice bowl (happy Valentines to you too, Sushi Girl!) 6" subway and two chocolate milks. Ah. I sort of missed dinner. I'd been so good about this (finishing training late and still eating) and tonight I dropped the ball. I was kinda over excited by the social interactions I had at training so I just forgot.

Sleep: Talk about forgetting things. Like it's 1.30am and I still need to shower and get some kip. It's not okay but I have fewer obligations tomorrow so I can either change my work hours or nap without issue. So it's manageable. Still - that'll mean five hours sleep tonight.


I think I'm back lashing after the workshop. A huge part of me just wants to throw down some good ol' 'Do whatever I damn-well want' for a few days - not so good because I do have work and trainings to attend...