Day Twenty One: I Feel Like a Small Thing in a Big Space

What do you mean, I have to be a big dog now?

When we make brave, bold decisions we have an expectation of being rewarded with a chest full of pride, maturity and conviction.

I used to be a big fish in a little pond. Deciding I wanted more room to grow I've jumped into a much bigger pond, but now all the other fish are bigger than me, and it's just simply intimidating.






Fitness: Another rest day today. Part of me feels like a complete slacker, and the rest of me can feel my power rebuilding... which I may need as from tomorrow until Day Thirty Four (?) I'll be getting exercise every day, most of days from 8.30am till 9pm... so. I think I can let this slide for now.

Aikido: No training today

Derby: Sat through a particularly boring meeting, thinking about skating along the viaduct. Why do I leave me skates at home? What do I think I'm achieving? I think going skating today would have helped with my mental stability, which is currently questionable.

Diet: This morning was horrible. I woke up, still feeling like the world had collapsed in on me so after a handful of tea and biscuits I had some weetbix around 11.30am which meant I skived off lunch at 12... just to eat more tea and biscuits throughout the afternoon. Jian brought me a plate of fruit (seriously, we can hire more of her, she brings me snacks and asks if she can practice pressure point massage on my back. Yes.) I had a quarter of a chicken when I got home as I was pretty hungry by then, and some sort of pork / vegetable mix that was prepared for me. I was going to make a proper stir-fry but it serves me right for leaving the food unattended. Yoghurt and blueberries for dessert... possibly my favourite dessert ever and so easy.

Sleep: Took far too long to go to sleep last night and really had to fight to get up out of bed, and even then spent three hours at my desk yawning and slouching in my chair. Thank jebus financial work doesn't require me to be awake (yes, pay, yes, pay, yes...) So not really sure how much time asleep I got, but considering how stressed and anxious I was when I was trying to shut down for the night I'm not terribly surprised.


My personal stress is just crashing into my sleep and diet goals like a .. something into a something which has also seemingly crippled my quick wit. I can't wait for everything to settle down and just be done.